The Pride of Poverty and Spoiling Your Kids

Rotten apples on the ground

Today we are tackling a pretty heavy subject: spoiling your children.

Veruca Salt throwing a tantrum

Growing up, my mother used to frequently say, “Money is the source of all evil.”

Not only was money evil but it was a personality killer, a relationship ruiner, and a poison to all things good and decent and fluffy in the world. Because of this, there was quite a shortage of things in my house: running water, reliable electricity, food….

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The Beginner’s Guide to Positive Thinking in Three Difficult Steps

A woman against a sunset at the beach

Confession:

When I am with a client and they start to “go off,” I mean really make a spectacle, a part of me relishes it. I go to my happy place four hours into the future where I waltz into the bar, plop my purse down on the table, and tell my girlfriends, “You’re. Not. Going. To. Believe. This. Shit.” I then revel in their shocked faces while the shit-talking pours freely from my mouth like some kind of Mean Girls-style verbal diarrhea. Lord forgive me.

Like most women with a lot of sauce, the idea of embracing “positive thinking” summons images of girls in skirts made of wheat, singing Kumbaya around a campfire or literally stopping to smell flowers and staring up at the sun to bask in the radiance of the day. Basically, a fucking nightmare.

But…

There are a few mental habits that I have embraced of late, and I feel better for it. So this guide is for my down-to-earth ladies who would like to bring a little positivity into their lives without having to learn to play the ukulele.

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Greasy Hair? Prolong the Shit out of Your Wash

Woman with long hair in the city

Short, long, thick, thin, blonde, or blue, nothing says, “I can’t manage my shit” quite like greasy hair. That being said, I get it: the powers that be deem that washing our hair everyday is unhealthy. Kim Kardashian is going nine days without a wash (ok five) and for some fucking reason we all have to do what Kim Kardashian says because of the deal she made one night at a crossroad.

So if you want to get away with washing your hair less, here’s everything you can do to prolong your wash.
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Hippie Shit That Actually Works

A woman's hand on a cup of tea

Ah, hippie shit.

Who among us can resist its siren call? After all, don’t we all want to live in a world where the solution to every problem we have lies in our pantry? Child not doing well in school? Rub em down with cornstarch. Dismissive husband? Simply dab some apple cider vinegar behind his ears (organic, of course).

There’s nothing quite so delightful as the smugness that comes with rubbing oil of oregano onto our feet while drinking chamomile tea and explaining to our girlfriends that western medicine just doesn’t compare when it comes to treating gangrene.

I like to think of myself as a wise woman of the world. But I have a confession: I’m hippie on my mother’s side (so half hippie) but I have a highly tuned bullshit-o-meter. So this means I will stick a clove of garlic up my hoo-ha to get rid of a UTI, but I will not use crystals to alleviate my allergies. Ya feel me?

Here are five Damn Girl tried and true’s:

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Fuck Status Symbols

A woman wearing a ring that says, "I am a badass"

Answer honestly: do you want your mother’s life?

I could actually hear the NOOOOOOOOO you screamed in your own head, that’s how loud it was.

We don’t want our parents lives. Don’t get caught in the same traps they did. The symbols that baby boomers affixed so much value to are ridiculous, obsolete, and genuinely not the symbols your contemporaries put value on. Below is a list of the shit that nobody hip cares about, and makes you look like a superficial idiot.

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6 Things You Don’t Know About Applying False Eyelashes

A woman with green eyes and false eylashes

We’re kicking things off here at Damn Girl with a guide to applying falsies that will take your eyelashing to a whole new level. And as I am only a paltry two million readers away from quitting my day job, we are celebrating with a MASSIVE LASH GIVEAWAY! Simply comment on this post subscribe for a chance to win!

It doesn’t stop there! Damn Girl has scored you a 10% off coupon code to Madame Madeline Lashes. Just use Code DAMNGIRL and receive a discount on your entire purchase.

Without further ado, here are 6 things you don’t know about applying false eyelashes:

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