Answer honestly: do you want your mother’s life?
I could actually hear the NOOOOOOOOO you screamed in your own head, that’s how loud it was.
We don’t want our parents lives. Don’t get caught in the same traps they did. The symbols that baby boomers affixed so much value to are ridiculous, obsolete, and genuinely not the symbols your contemporaries put value on. Below is a list of the shit that nobody hip cares about, and makes you look like a superficial idiot.
1. Expensive wine
Studies have debunked the relationship between wine taste and wine cost. That $30 or $40 or $60 or god forbid $90+ bottle of wine is bullshit.
2. Big houses
God damn, this is embarrassing. Giant homes are almost always void of charm. They are always too hot or too cold. The towering ceilings mean the acoustics and lighting suck. Your friends don’t want to spend time in your highly impersonal, cavernous, bullshit house. No one wants to drive out to the suburbs, including you. When your friends do manage to drag themselves to your cookie-cutter neighborhood, they make jokes about serial killers and Tom Hanks.
You probably don’t have the money to decorate your humongous house with authentic, charming pieces that you acquired from your exotic travels and if you did, your whole life is going to be spent shopping. Yuck. If you do manage to find something huge and beautiful in the actual town part of where you live, it’s probably old as fuck and all your money is going to go down the drain trying to keep up with it.
Anything over 2000 square feet is unacceptable.
Fun fact about me: I have been a professional ballroom instructor for fourteen years. In that time I have worked with thousands of wedding couples preparing for their first dance. Not once in all that time have I ever met a couple who didn’t regret the time, planning, money, and drama they put into their big ol’ dream wedding. Not once.
What I have encountered is thousands of stressed out, financially strapped, joyless shells of women who, “can’t fucking wait for this shit to be over with.”
4. Engagement rings
Your engagement ring has nothing to do with the success of your marriage. It has nothing to do with love or commitment. It’s not some fucking magical stone that keeps your marriage thriving. Your friends are not impressed or jealous of your run-of-the-mill $6,000 solitary diamond that does not go with your yoga pants. No one can tell the difference between a real diamond and a cubic zirconia. Honestly, fuck the CZs too. Get something original, you hack. You want a happy life? Chuck that money toward a down payment on a home, a contribution to a Roth IRA, your kids, or your niece’s or nephew’s college fund. Go somewhere. Learn something. Have some substance, for god’s sake.
5. Giant Vehicles
Unless you are a professional shit-hauler (as in, you make bona fide dollar bills for moving heavy bullshit from one place to the other), do not buy a fucking truck. And if you do buy a truck, buy a small one. Buy one that gets the same gas mileage as a normal car.
For some reason, baby boomers are in love with giant trucks. This has got to be the lamest of all the status symbols. I don’t understand why the boomers took to big trucks but you know what? They also wear blue eyeshadow and butterfly-bejeweled jeans, and call asian people “orientals.” So maybe it follows.
Trucks are expensive and terrible for the environment. The only impression they give to the thinking population is that you have a tiny penis that you are ashamed of, and you failed elementary school science.