Minimalism? Oh Fuck It, Let’s Buy Stuff.

Empty room

I grew up poor. Like…in conditions that you don’t even associate with being possible in a first world country.

Abandoned building in Detroit poor. “Running water? What the hell is it running from?” poor. Three siblings glued together on a dirty mattress in front of an open oven in the kitchen in December CAUSE WE GONNA DIE! poor.

It has given me an appreciation of things. Physical things. Amazing, tangible things.

I swear to God, for the first five years I had a dryer, I legit used to take out all the clean towels and just lay in the pile, purring. “Where’s DGGYST?” “She fell asleep in the towels again.”

Cats cuddling in a towel

I’m firmly out of my towel fixation. (That’s a dirty lie. May I never become so jaded as to not appreciate warm clean towels.) My love of creature comforts continues, but I am trying put that aside. After all, happiness is an inside job. I’m going to try forest bathing, a vow of silence, a retreat of the spiri…oh fuck it let’s buy stuff!

Wait wait wait, let’s talk about minimalism

I would consider myself a good millennial. I eat avocado toasts, have a yoga mat, and use #adulting. So naturally, I’m into minimalism.

Minimalism is soooo hot right now.

Zoolander No. 2 GIFs - Find & Share on GIPHY

The message has been pretty clear: Things don’t make you happy. Buy experiences. You can’t fill the void with material things. And I am all about it.

I’m pretty sure we are onto something with the whole “You can’t just buy stuff and expect your life to improve” thing. It brings to mind closets stuffed to the brim with fast fashion, unopened boxes from Amazon piling up in a corner, rhinestoned coffee mugs etched with one’s initials, death, etc.

I understand the light that has been brought to overconsumption. It is a real problem.

But…

st-vincent-new-york

I have found that certain purchases really have brought me happiness. I fear that with minimalism, there is this guilt attached to purchasing anything slightly indulgent. It sounds like a dirty thing to write, even. Stuff makes me happy. Certain stuffs. The whole fucking process. Thinking about buying it, hunting it down like a cheetah, acquiring it, and then enjoying it and continuing to enjoy it.

Anytime I start to even play the shame game, I know I need a swift kick in the ass. And if I am playing the shame game, God knows you are playing it too, because humans are weirdly connected like that.

So here: these are evil stuffs things I have bought, would buy again, would pay three times what I paid for them, and make me happy!

Happy GIFs - Find & Share on GIPHY

Helix Sleep king size bed

I am what you might call a “bed monster”

I have a prolific case of night terrors. It’s not a cute case of, “Ooh I’m so dainty, I wake up scared and out of breath but my cleavage looks perky and I just need some arms around me to calm me down.” I will wake up screaming bloody murder about crab cakes eating me and then use physical violence on anyone who tells me to go to sleep because crab cakes rarely attack humans.

Having the freedom to finally hurl myself about like Linda Blair on my expansive mattress has made me the happiest woman who thinks she is being eaten by crab cakes around. This fucking bed is amazing. It’s cheap AF, customized for your body, and delivered right to your door. I love it.

Foam roller

You know how we all fucking hate those self-massage devices but we have to pretend to enjoy them? And how they are all just a sad substitute for the human touch we knead (see what I did there?)?

I hate self-massage devices. Touch me with your human-y goodness and get that plastic crap away from me.

But the foam roller. Holy God. Let me tell you about the foam roller. The foam roller is for sick fucks like me who can’t get enough pressure from human touch. This thing will massage you deeper than any human could, and it hurts soooooo good. It legit makes you euphoric. I use it on my lower back, which has plagued me for years. Two minutes rolling it around on my low back and I experience happiness. Actual happiness.

Sun tunnels

I love natural indoor light. I also like not staring at my neighbors watching TV or taking dumps (put some blinds on your bathroom window, Mrs. Johnson!).

But the cost and upkeep of a skylight scared me worse than human-eating crab cakes. So I decided to have sun tunnels put in (or, as I call them, “Happy Holes”).

They cast this beautiful, diffused, glorious light around my home. They make me happy. Every. Single. Day.

BodyCeuticals chocolate lip balm

I don’t like to throw the word “addiction” around. So when I tell you I have a chapstick addiction, it means something. I remember the great chapstick drought of 2012. I was staying at a friends house and had somehow lost my chapstick and went hunting for hers. She had none. None! (How is that possible) The jonesing got so bad I found her “goody drawer” and rubbed her lube on my lips. Please feel free to unfollow me.

Needless to say, my lips have been around the ol’ chapstick block. Then I met this chapstick. Gone are the days of rubbing random people’s sexual lubricant on my mouth. Gone are the days of carrying eight different lip balms around so I may partake in the lustful variety. Now, I am committed. The actual subtle chocolate essence of this unassuming balm makes me happy.

Playing the shame game

I may never understand why the other side to every coin is shame. What do we need it for? What purpose does it serve that it permeates every aspect of our life? We can’t just eat chia seed oatmeal for breakfast, we have to shame breakfast burritos. We can’t just practice yoga, we have to tell runners they are ruining their bodies. We can’t just “not kill people,” we have to lock up murderers… I’m sorry, one of those does not belong in here. Running is truly terrible for you and should not be attempted in any degree.

It is ok to buy things and to derive happiness from them. I don’t think we should shame each other or ourselves (and that’s the big one) So Damn, Girl, get your shit together and enjoy it.


What thing have you bought has brought you happiness? Stay tuned every Thursday for more unsolicited advice about shit you didn’t know you were doing wrong, and follow DGGYST on Facebook for more musings!

159 thoughts on “Minimalism? Oh Fuck It, Let’s Buy Stuff.

  1. I proudly embrace my obsession about accumulating candy. It’s something I promised myself when I was a little girl, and I refuse or can’t let it go- I have to buy candy, I suspect or know that I literally spend over a $100 a month on candy, good candy. The acquisition is the compulsion, just knowing I have it and no one can say no (comes from my parents’ restriction and my mom hiding all the good stuff and shaming me about being plump). I love sharing it, when I accumulate too much, which is every day. And that’s the truth!

    Liked by 5 people

  2. I have nick-knacks that would make a minimalist cry, and they have never failed to bring me joy. There’s this carved bear that I literally caress from time to time because the wood feels -so good-. And cute clothing! And vintage dresses! And my sodastream! I spent so much of my life watching every penny that being able to splurge on something DOES bring me joy, and most of the time that doesn’t wear off. To the conscious consumers!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I thought minimalism was about just buying the stuff you need or really like instead of shopaholic-ness. I have cut down my reactive spending (mostly – I am human) and have tried to focus on stuff that I reallllly like or need. Also having less clutter you don’t like to deal with. Minimal success there (har har see what I did!)

    We need a new bed so I am going to look into that bed!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Maybe i should try the damn foam roller.. My husband uses it daily and I started to suspect Im being side chicked by a toy. “Does that give you pleasure babe?” Ok well then maybe IT should be sharing bed with you!! Yeah, but no… ok I’ll try it. Maybe tonight I’ll be spooning my own little roll

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Gosh, you post is so funny! I was brought up poor in a home in Scotland that was made of metal but had no wheels. I now live in a gorgeous arts and crafts home in Texas but my neighbors think I am Amish… I just can’t seem to spend much money (except on travel). Love Big Lots, thrift stores and I do get a thrill from a new purchase.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Never had shame issues when buying because of minimalism. Minimalism is also high value of the stuff you enjoy or need. So yes, any shame for buying is bullshit. As long as it is intentional. Long term happiness is a valid argument for buying. So, minimalism does not mean you can’t buy stuff and those who think otherwise have missed the point.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey Frank! Thank you so much for stopping by! I agree! Minimalism absolutely doesn’t mean that you can’t buy stuff, we just have a tendency to twist healthy changes and ideals into something a bit extreme.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I love this post! It gave me a chuckle and I completely agree that you should be able to spend on something that truly does make you feel good. Quality not quantity. There should be no rules for minimalism, other than personal priorities and preferences–after all, the idea of simplifying is to make room for what really matters to you, whatever that is. Great blog!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Another great entry full of humour! I just can’t help smiling as I read through your entries! This one has gotta be one of your best yet! I like the idea of minimalism but I can’t practice it myself. Like you said, I like to buy things and so often I feel guilty buying stuff and then worse still regret buying stuff that turns out to be junk! that’s one of the reasons why I started my blog of reviews to introduce goodies to readers and warn them of the bad stuffs.
    I finally wrote a new entry today by the way and have changed my domain name so it’s shorter.
    https://discerningcosmetics.wordpress.com/2017/10/03/184/

    Liked by 2 people

  9. You are sooooo right! I’ve had nothing in the past, I only owned the clothes on my back. So now I LOVE “things”, little things, big things, they do bring me happiness, and I appreciate them and I’m not afraid to admit it! 🙂

    Like

  10. My first huge purchase for my apartment was my couch from Joybird. I was going to go the IKEA route, but decided to get something that would last for a while. It is modern, the theme I was going for, and it’s comfortable. Some people tried to shame me for spending so much on it, but it’s a good thing it’s for my apartment right? Lol

    Liked by 2 people

  11. This is absolutely hilarious. I proudly call myself a minimalist and love living with few things but I hoard pretty notebooks. Lots of them. And since this gives me joy, I ignore the minimalism rulebook. Do whatever that makes you happy 😄

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Okay so just what is it about these beds! I keep seeing the ads for Casper (which seems similar to the brand you have). They look so much like friggen air mattresses…. They’re actually comfy?? They don’t feel cheap and pop-able? They aren’t weird and bouncy, but cushy, firm, stable, and supportive??? Are they made of magic???

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh my gosh, nothing like air matresses!!!!! no no no! They are amazing! And they have like a hundred day return policy if you don’t like them. They feel like tempur pedic, but firmer and they just never quit. They are so good.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I. Just. LOVE this!!!! Every time I pass my strictly ~decorative~ mirror that I splurged on I get so darn happy. i am so enjoying reading your posts right now!

    Like

  14. This made me laugh, loved it! My mattress cost me a pretty penny but every time I lay upon it’s plumpy pockets of dreamy comfort I am transported to dreamland in first class! 😀 I also pay too much for my shampoo because that also makes me VERY happy!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I love your take on Minimalism and your a great writer. I have read a lot on Minimalism and tend to agree with the Minimalists where we all need some stuff and its OK. Its consumption for the sake of it that is empty and harmful.

    Liked by 1 person

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