The Damn, Girl Diet

Girl holding a half-eaten donut

Ah, dieting. The most futile endeavor of our times. Diets completely work while we are on them, and then suddenly stop when we go off them. It’s a mystery worthy of Scooby-Doo.

It takes a level of deranged self-importance to think that one could make a meaningful contribution to the endless amount of lifestyle tips, healthy eating hacks, or diet tricks at this point of insufferable saturation. Luckily, I have that level of deranged self-importance, and am going to blow your mind. Then run for president.

So without further ado, I present the Damn, Girl Diet:

It’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle

Wait! Don’t leave!

I promise the words “cheat day,” “bikini body,” and “moist” won’t escape my mouth. (“Moist” has nothing to do with this; it’s just a horrible word and I apologize for subjecting you to it.)

Nay. This is a straightforward guide for those of you who suffer from binge eating, occasional binge eating and “cheating.”

Cheezburger GIFs - Find & Share on GIPHY

The Damn, Girl Diet is my diet. It is tailored around my relationship with food. It might work for you if you have a similar relationship with food.

Step one: asking the Horrible Question

Asking yourself what your relationship with food is is no simple matter. The question itself can unleash a hot, steaming pile of nasty emotions. The question seems judgmental and the first things that might come to your mind are justifications, excuses, hurt feelings, and discomfort.

DGGYST: What is your relationship with food?

DGGYST: Fuck you! I’m not some god damn Barbie doll! Don’t put your patriarchal standards of beauty onto me, you fuck! Ok, fine! I’m fat, IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR!? It’s been a hard year! I’m fat, fat, fat! I’m a slob with no self control! ARE YOU HAPPY?

woman binge eating

The first thing you have to do is clear that away. No judgement, no emotions, only facts. I will use me as an example:

DGGYST: What is your relationship with food?

DGGYST: Honestly, I enjoy food. The thought of missing out on things like hot chocolates in the fall and popcorn at the movies and s’mores makes me sad. It makes me feel like I wouldn’t be getting the most out of life. I feel the need to restrict these things from my diet but always end up justifying their worthiness and giving in, but then feel guilty afterward.

DGGYST: So it’s a restrict and splurge thing. What part of your relationship with food don’t you like?

DGGYST: I don’t like that I sometimes want to eat until I am sick.

DGGYST: Why do you eat until you are sick?

DGGYST: Because it’s the only feeling that will keep me from wanting more food. Sometimes it is trance like and weirdly soothing…in a horrible, compulsive way

There you go. A fairly emotionless description from me to me about my relationship: sometimes I want to eat and eat until I am sick, and I want to eat freely all of life’s variety.

My “diet success” lies in not fucking with these truths about my relationship.

Giving up

We love the idea of reinventing ourselves, rising phoenix-like out of the ashes of all our old ways. We watch TV shows about miracle transformations. We love the montages in the Rocky movies. We have wooden plaques hanging in our kitchens and bathrooms that say things like  “Dream to inspire” or “If at first you don’t succeed” or “Final notice: we will disconnect your water if not paid in full.”

If you have been following the Damn, Girl blog for awhile, you know by now that it is all about doing the boring, non-inspirational things that actually get you to where you want to go.

For me and my occasional binge eating, that meant first accepting my relationship.

I would love to have not been a starving kid. I would love if i could look at food and not feel that horrible desperation that says, “Eat now or YOU MIGHT DIE!” but this relationship was formed moments after my first breath. It was cemented in decades of uncertainty and as sad and non-guru like as this sounds, I have zero confidence in being able to ever change that relationship….but I do know that I can life hack the fuck out of it.

Eat this not that…how about eat this then that?

After coldly processing the data of my relationship with food I came up with the Eat This, Then That diet. You thought it was a joke but it isn’t.

I suffer from occasional binge eating, so what would be a nice attainable goal? Eat. Yeah, eat more. Attainable AF.

The way that I maintain my body weight and feel content and satisfied is by allowing myself to eat any amount of anything that I want, as long as I eat the following first:

Before I go out to a meal

I eat one boiled egg and a piece of whole grain toast with butter.

It’s important to note that I love boiled eggs. If you decide to spoil your appetite a bit, make sure it is with something highly nutritious, full of protein, and something you intensely enjoy, or you won’t do it. Also, boiled eggs last forever, they come in their own container, and they are cheap.

This allows me to enjoy the meals I eat out a lot more! I usually feel so desperate for the food to come I can’t focus on the ambience or my dining partners who, if they don’t fucking order soon, will be strangled to death and their faces will be my appetizer. (Seriously, do you take forever to order? Just pick something! I NEED TO EAT.)

A protein and a carb beforehand and my dinner companions are safe and I find their indecisiveness delightful.

Food GIFs - Find & Share on GIPHY

When I hear the horrible siren song of binge eating

For those of you familiar with the beast of over-indulgence, you know when it is about to happen. This is where I give myself full permission to binge.

You can go to town: marshmallows, crackers, cheeses of all kinds, a box of cereal…all yours. But first, you have to eat two boiled eggs and one apple with two tablespoons of peanut butter, and a hot chocolate. That’s 390 calories of deliciousness. Then you may proceed.

One of two things happen:

  1. If I don’t want delicious boiled eggs and peanut butter apples and a hot cocoa, it really hits home how un-hungry I am. I know the box of cereal is all mine. I am free to have the whole thing, but the realization that I am not hungry enough to eat something else I love, really drives it home to my lizard brain that I am not hungry. 90 percent of the time, I no longer desire the snack.
  2. The 10 percent of the time that I am determined to binge, I eat the eggs and the apple and the cocoa and then eat the marshmallow and feel satisfied. And if I am on a weird mission to get sick, it happens after three marshmallows, not thirty.

The fact is, we are the way we are for a reason. We’re all just trying our best. There is nothing more admirable than striving to be a better version of yourself. Sometimes our relationships (with food, people, work, mental health…) can feel like a maze. It is. That doesn’t mean that you can’t learn how to run it.


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Also, fat shaming will not be tolerated in the comments. Don’t be that guy.

158 thoughts on “The Damn, Girl Diet

  1. Absolutely love this! You’re ansswring yourself as if I’m answering you!
    Love the ways you have suggested to do before an iminent binge or meal out. May have to try it out myself!

    Thanks for this.
    Inspiring x

    Liked by 8 people

  2. I am one seriously hard-to-please reader. Keeping my attention is no small feat, yet you do it time and time again. You are on your way to larger writing projects my dear. Kudos. Kudos galore.
    Xoxoxox
    MichelleInTheMask

    Liked by 6 people

  3. I love this post! It really is all about finding what works for you. Your diet hack is nutritious and completely doable. Awesome and good for you for figuring out your food relationship. I’m still working on the why part of cravings and binges. But at least I restrict them to our cheat day xD

    Liked by 5 people

  4. Damn, Girl for president!
    I definitely started binge eating as a kid from a lot of stress. It’s a hard habit to kick, but I’m working on it. I don’t really snack much anymore because I feel too sluggish and gross afterwards. And restaurants give such ridiculous portions what I try to do now is eat half there and save the rest for later (I love leftovers). It’s so hard to stop though, especially when I’m at a social event and/or there’s like a bowl of snacks RIGHT THERE. The arm then has a mind of its own…
    I hear one helpful thing to figure out if you’re actually hungry is to contemplate eating an apple. If you don’t want an apple, you aren’t hungry. But I never really want to eat apples… so… haha

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Yea it really has to be something you really enjoy, I love apples so I know if I don’t want one, I am not in fact hungry. The hot coco one is good for me too because I love it, I make it super hot so it takes some time to drink and lets me get my head on straight lol. Enniyaya, thank you so much for your support and I am so happy I can count on your vote in 2020! haha!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. I love this on some many levels. In part because eating disorders run in my family and I try very hard not to stumble down that path. But also because I’m discovering there are a ton of foods I can no longer tolerate very well so I’ve been trying the elimination route, only that tends to make me binge on those items even more. Also because 2017 has been a clusterf*ck in so many ways, and my stress-eating has gone through the roof.

    Seriously, I think we’re all walking around in a state of starvation: mentally, emotionally, physically (even if we have food, crap food leaves us hungry), financially, you name it. And when you’ve given up or lost SO MUCH sometimes you just come home and say, “Stuff this, I’m having the bag of Cheetos (or whatever).” Because at that point it feels like a freaking reward for having survived another Gawd-awful day without any rewards of any kind.

    Not to mention the whole “decision fatigue” thing. By the end of the day, I’ve run out of steam to make any decisions at all, so the ones I make are bad ones.

    My favorite dieting mantra is ‘failure to plan = planning to fail”.

    I’ve never eaten a healthy diet. I’ve gotten away with it for decades coasting on good genes and now that that’s not working for me any longer, I don’t know how to fix my terrible eating habits. Any diet that asks me to eliminate x-y-z is bound to fail with me, as is any diet that asks me to eat things I loathe, like yogurt and red peppers. (I mean seriously, both make me gag, but the thought of eating them together?? *screams*)

    So I like this a lot. I just have to find the thing I a) like and b) won’t mess with a creaky digestive system and then PLAN around it. Thank you. This is awesome advice.

    Liked by 7 people

    1. You have just blown me away with your wisdom. “Seriously, I think we’re all walking around in a state of starvation: mentally, emotionally, physically (even if we have food, crap food leaves us hungry), financially, you name it. And when you’ve given up or lost SO MUCH sometimes you just come home and say, “Stuff this, I’m having the bag of Cheetos (or whatever)” YUSSSSSSS

      Liked by 3 people

      1. I know, right? I mean, we shouldn’t be starving and we don’t look like we’re starving but we are. And I think that’s why so many of us can’t stop eating. *sigh*

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I started eating boiled eggs with breakfast EVERY DAY a few months ago. In that few months, I have lost 20lbs. It’s been slow, but if I have my eggs in the morning (and scrambled or poached on the weekends), I find that I make better decisions all day. Boiled eggs are the real deal.

    Liked by 5 people

  7. Love the idea to eat a healthy snack before eating out or over-snacking. I suffered from binge eating when I was a teenager – I don’t know where you are located, but have you ever been to Chili’s? You know those chocolate molten cakes? (literally my weakness to date) I could eat TWO of those in one sitting, even after eating my meal (including licking the plate before the server took it) beforehand. I’m 5 foot 2 and weighed an average of 148 pounds before I realized I had an eating disorder. Food was my comfort, my savior, my only friend.

    I still get weak and binge-eat late at night when I feel depressed or my anxiety raging. Then I wake up in the morning, stomach hurting like HELL, feeling guilty because I KNOW what I was doing and did it anyway.

    Healthy snacks beforehand is an excellent idea, it’s all about mind over matter, too. I also recommend eating slower, so your body has time to digest the food and allow you to feel full with less food.

    Great post, as always! Keep it up

    xoxo

    Liked by 5 people

  8. Honey, were we seperated at birth, because I feel that although we were born in different hemispheres, years apart, from very different lady parts, we were twinsies in a past life.
    Long story short: I fucking love boiled eggs AND peanut butter apple fingers.
    I look forward to your posts each and every week, thank you so much for joining the blogging world x

    Liked by 5 people

  9. Eggs and apples are my go-tos! Hard boiled eggs are so freakin’ easy to “meal prep” for the week, and I like an apple + peanut butter for lunch. Since I’m not spending loads of money on lunches, I splurge on honey crisp apples. Next splurge once my PB runs out? Almond butter. I find that if *it* is there (*it* being any sort of unhealthy sweet snack), I’ll eat it. So I try not to keep things in the house, and that helps. I like the “eat this, then that” plan. I’m going to try it. ❤ x

    Liked by 4 people

      1. I loooved the green ones as a kid, but I can’t get with them now. I cut the calories in other areas to enjoy the honeycrisp.

        Also, I should mention that my mother-in-law is so RUDE (in that she is incredible and I adore her). She always (like, daily) makes a minimum of two desserts: one chocolate and one not. Because Jonny only likes chocolate desserts. Guess who likes both? Guess who can’t say no to trying things? I like to blame sweet Anne for my weight gain every time we go to England to visit.

        Liked by 3 people

      2. Oh yea, I have a sweet tooth that should be put in a straight jacket. Its crazy. I saw someone refuse pie the other day. I just marvelled at them and assumed they must have eaten a lot of eggs lol

        Liked by 2 people

      1. HAHAHA I have a very unhealthy relationship with sugar. Always have candy in the house. Hubby use to get so mad at me for munching in bed when I was reading (opps) I have changed some of my evil ways but I still enjoy my sugar.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Dont even say sugar to me. I have bought a box of life cereal of all things because my God daughter is staying the weekend and it is gone. Its Thursday, she isn’t here, there is life cereal in my bed, bathtub, in my hair. its not pretty

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Also one of the reasons I stopped eating in bed was because of the crumbs!!! From chips, and cookies, and whatever else my stomach encouraged me to indulge in!

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I love this! It is real and honest view of how our relationships with food really do effect our diets. I am so tried of reading “hacks”. This was refreshing and really give me something that can help give a more realistic picture. Also the egg rule, perfection.

    Liked by 4 people

  11. You QUEEN. I actually manage my relationship with food by NOT restricting myself because it’s like my body revolts and focuses on all the things I CAN’T have if I do that. So I say “sure, chocolate is still on the menu….but you have your fruit first”. Most of the time after eating the healthier option i don’t feel hungry anymore – but i dont feel like i’ve missed out or as if I’m not allowed to eat freely x

    Liked by 4 people

  12. Things we have in common:
    1.) I hate the word moist as well.
    2.) I looooove boiled eggs (with salt and ketchup)
    3.) I binge….(used to binge then purge) but now just binge.

    Liked by 4 people

  13. This is a really beautiful, honest post. Love your conversation with yourself! My journal is full of those and they’re so helpful.
    I JUST started doing the the hard boiled egg thing too! Omg life saver! Before I reach for the thing I’m craving or before I go out, I start there. Love love love that this is something you do too. Maybe it’s the hot new diet trend! Want to write an Egg-cellent Diet book with me??? 😂😂😂😂😂😂

    Liked by 4 people

  14. The hardest part of any “diet” is figuring out your relationship with food. If you’re not honest with yourself, and not willing to accept some hard truths, you will not change the bad behaviour.
    Take me – I binge on chocolates/yoghurt/toast at 4pm everyday because I don’t eat at work all day and am too lazy to make sure I have actual grown up food to eat when I get home. So – ready made meals. And a bunch of pre made stuff frozen in single serve containers. Take one out in the morning. Eat it when I get home. Enjoy one mini peanut butter cup (maybe two) and not SEVENTEEN.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I love fooddddddd…chocolateeeee… and cheeseeeeee…and I’m lazyyyyyy and fast foooddd is convenienttttttttttttt…though my only go to fast food is pizza… I loveeeeeeeeeeeee fast food… so there… I *sniff sniff* sa *sniff* id… it… that’s my conundrum…!!! :(((((((… gosh that was liberating…

      Liked by 2 people

  15. Your writing is soooo animated that I feel like I am sitting across from you drinking hot cocoa. You are absolutely delightful 100%of the time. I look forward to your post every week. You are my sister from another mister!

    Liked by 4 people

  16. OMG… this is a fantastic post…really…my gawddd…everyday for the past two weeks I’ve been beating myself up about my weight,,,Ive never been on a diet… ugh…my mind is all over the place trying to respond to all your badass points…lol… Yes…you are right… ! I can’t…Love the post and it’s weird that is it so timely… jeez chick… do you have like special powers or something…?

    Liked by 2 people

  17. This is basically genius! I’m definitely in the camp where I would eat the healthier food then decide I‘m not hungry anymore. I will definitely be giving this a try. I also love the idea of a healthier snack before going out. My boyfriend and I will go out to eat and watch a game. 9 times out of 10, he just wants a beer and will skip food. I’m waiting for him to decide and, yeah, I want to eat his face (not in the lovey dovey way, in the horror movie way). Hanger is not pretty on anyone. So I need to stock up on hard boiled eggs.

    Fun fact about your apples and peanut butter: It’s my breakfast of choice on work days because I can snack at my desk. So one day, I’m enjoying my breakfast and my coworker comments, “That’s Steph’s favorite breakfast,” referring to his wife. Here’s the thing, his wife is a freaking Olympic Gold Medalist! So, yeah, apples and peanut butter, quite literally breakfast of champions!

    Liked by 4 people

  18. You really should run for president. You are infinitely more qualified than the moron in charge and a lot more fun. You also make a lot of sense. It’s a good thing I like boiled eggs.

    Liked by 4 people

  19. Thanks for being so honest. I restricted my food a lot in my 20s, and then I think it moved into bulimia where I’d eat lots in one go and make myself ill. My relationship with food has improved a lot over the years but I think I’ll always have an awkward relationship with it. I’ve been through an anxiety-provoking period lately and I was eating and eating to try and push all the feelings away. I managed to get a handle on it, but it’s weird how you can be going along quite nicely and then the unhealthy ways of relating to food can creep up on you again.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Totally.. and thank you so much for posting this comment. The fact of the matter is, sometimes life gets the best of us, sometimes we fall back on old ways, but we can fail a little better than before 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  20. “I suffer from occasional binge eating, so what would be a nice attainable goal? Eat. Yeah, eat more. Attainable AF”
    I could totally get on board with this!
    And that donut in your feature photo, to die for. I’m so jonesin for a sugared donut now, I’m not even lying. Ugh.

    jj

    Liked by 4 people

  21. Damn!! I love your damn girl diet girl!!
    I have my own versions but mine is called my “fuck it” diet.
    I have had my own problems with food over the years and have found I need to go ALL in or ALL out so the ALL out is that I eat one healthy meal every day and only once a day I do not need to snack, and I do not crave food if I eat just once per day if I try to eat more than once a day I just overeat and crave food ALL day.
    Then, usually once, sometimes twice a week I kick start my metabolism and eat what I want when I want ALL day, I can often eat up to 5000 or more calories on a kick start day and I satisfy ALL of my food cravings.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Its a bit ridiculous the amount of food we can put away! haha! Yea, I have this weird weakness for “puppy chow” do you know what that is? Its so amazing and it makes me sick! I have to eat till I am so full before I allow myself puppy chow cause I just wont stop

      Liked by 1 person

      1. For a minute there I thought you were talking about dog food and I was not totally weirded out because I sat and watched a lady in the airport once munching on cat biscuits which made me remember that I used to hide in the larder in my grandma’s house and eat dog biscuits. I still remember the texture and the taste and if someone offered me one today I would probably try it!!
        However it seems you are not talking dog food but something made from muddy buddies.

        Liked by 3 people

  22. This is genius! I have a love/hate relationship with binge-eating. I can’t stop eating until breathing becomes uncomfortable. I’ve never really had boiled eggs as a snack, but I do enjoy them with other things! My issue is I get sick of repetitive meals/snacks. Which is also why meal prepping chicken and broccoli for 5 days a week would never work for me and I don’t even attempt it. I love the idea of eating something more healthy like apples or eggs before going to attack a pizza or plate of nachos. Definitely going to have to try this one out!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I hear you with the repitition thing! I am making a diet pt. 2 post that gives more options and addresses this, because yea, eating the same thing over and over is no fun!

      Like

  23. Love Love Love this; I always read your posts and feel like I don’t have to beat the crap out of myself for being myself. I wake up in the morning and the first thing I think about is what I am going to eat. I go to sleep at night thinking about breakfast. I adore your wisdom and your way of thinking!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  24. It is so incredibly awesome you found something that is working for you! I love reading about people talking about binge eating honestly. It’s a problem I struggle with and hid for so long (or, well, tried to hide!). It’s like, seeing the disorder out in the world makes me feel not so alone, and also like it’s not something that needs to be squirreled away like I did for so long with food. Damn, Girl, thank you!!

    Liked by 3 people

  25. Eggs. The entire egg is so good for you. Not just the whites, not just the yolks… the valuable protein of the egg makes it a perfect addition to any pre- or current meal. Thanks for sharing your tip! I like it, on the apple, I use skinny cow cheese because I’m allergic to peanuts… just a hint for others, I guess…~Kim

    Liked by 4 people

  26. I love how you answered your own questions 😂 but I absolutely loved this post. I have a problem with binge eating, and it’s always things that are terrible for me. I struggle with eating healthy and I know that’s an issue I should tackle soon. But I love your little hack, I feel it’s something I can even use when it comes to treating myself with those unhealthy snacks lol

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Binge eating this year has soothed some of the grief at losing my mum. I am now paying the price for it by, yup, dieting. I will take your suggestions to heart because i think your “hacks” will actually make it easier on this diet. Boiled eggs rock, not so keen on apples but will stuffer them to get to chocolate hah. Is everyone elses binge eating related to their moods too? I cant call it comfort eating because I never feel happy or have my mood relieved when I do this. The difference is that I am still grieving, but with a stomach full of chocolate.

    Liked by 3 people

  28. That eating before eating thing is absolutely brilliant. Normally, if I know I’m going out to eat, I’ll starve myself for at least half a decade in anticipation to the glorious gorge forthcoming … in the immortal words of DGGYT … “you’re doing it wrong … (stupid)!”

    This I will change.

    As for the restaurant itself, I’m a quick decider. I’ll meander about the menu for a few seconds and pick 2-3 things. I then give myself permission to decide on the fly when my turn comes up. My choice of meal is then both quick and spontaneous to keep the thrill alive.

    For that alone, I deserve a cabinet position in your new administration. 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  29. This is so beautiful! I am definitely one of those people who has a ton of bad habits and is determined to break them and become ridiculously awesome. Surprise, surprise, I rarely achieve the impossible high standards I set for myself. I need to think more like you, and work with my flaws rather than against them. Thanks!

    Also, this is some of your best gif work!

    Liked by 4 people

  30. How the hell did I miss this post??? Fuck you, WordPress!!!

    Now back to you, darling. You are a goddamn genius! Eat before you go out to eat? Umm, great tip!! I would never have thought of that one. You have blown my mind, now can you please run for President?! PLEASE! I have already offered up my services to be your campaign manager…that offer still stands. Just sayin. SAVE US, GIRL!

    Liked by 1 person

  31. You made me hungry now… wait…. I’m always hungry. Never mind.
    I can relate to sitting around the table when we are out for dinner and waiting for people to decide what to eat. Just yesterday I called the waiter and said “ok we are ready to order” to stress the fact that the menu is not a freaking novel to read and analyze. Get on with it.

    Liked by 3 people

  32. 🙂 Had a laugh out loud moment reading your post! So much truth, thanks for being so brutally honest about where we find ourselves a lot of times. I’m re-blogging because your post echo a post I wrote previously about dieting.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Reblogged this on Chanty's Cosmos and commented:
    Damn girl! Get your shit together!
    I relate with this girl so much but after all is said and done we need to realize that “We’re all just trying our best” This post echo’s so much of what I said in my three part series of My Journey to a healthier me. (https://chanty007.wordpress.com/2017/08/30/my-journey-to-a-healthier-me3-pray-eat-love/) I’m so happy when I find that there are super babes out there just like me:-)

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Way to slap us with some truth and some tips. How have I not found you before? Haha. I’ve struggled mainly with anorexia but have battled bingeing and purging too. Sugar turns me into the Tasmanian devil so I just don’t do it. Food insecurity was an issue for me growing up too and for some strange reason I still find comfort in not eating it rather than stocking up. My brothers went the opposite way. Wish it a sandwich was just a dang sandwich but it’s so much more. Thanks.

    Liked by 2 people

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