My Apologies: Conquering the World One Sorry at a Time

Woman's hands holding a flower

The oldest thing I own is a piece of homework from 1st grade. It’s actually an entire booklet of paper bound in little plastic rings. “Tiara, Grade 1” is written in purple crayon across the construction paper cover.

God knows how I still have it. It has somehow weathered a hundred homes (and no home at all). I swear one day it will be archived as a religious script because of the shit it has endured. In the future, people will tell the miracle of how the little plastic-bound journal survived tornadoes, fire, and the summer my mom kept goats in the house.

There isn’t too much to report about the Holy Scripts. Mostly pictures of birds in the distance signified by “M”s, yellow sunshines and broccoli trees, but there is one very memorable entry:

My shit list. Well, my “shite” list. Apparently I was an Irish child.

Grade 1 and already making a shit list.

You see, there weren’t a lot of rules in my house. No curfews, no chores, no expectations of grades or school attendance, and the expletives were free to fly. Al Pacino and Eric Cartman screaming “God fucking damnit” echoed around my living room and Tony Montana himself might balk at the curse words that came out of my step dad’s mouth.

But there were two dirty words, so filthy that to speak them meant swift and violent retribution.

Those words were: “I’m sorry.”

My father figure was the type of man who would run right into you while you were sitting in your own bedroom, then yell at you for not looking where you were going. In the thirteen years he and my mother were together, I never heard him apologize. More than that, apologizing was not something that you ever wanted to be caught doing.

To apologize meant to lose. It meant to plead guilty and to intensify your punishment.

“I’m sorry,” I would say for breaking a glass, for opening a piece of his mail, and one horrible incident where I tripped the plug to the television during the last level of a video game.

“You’re damn right you’re sorry,” he would say, that sadistic look spreading across his face, “but not as sorry as you are going to be.”

I would tell you what would happen next, but this is a family program.

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Needless to say, my relationship with the words “I’m sorry” has been a complex one.

And so has yours.

Whether it spurts out of your mouth for every little thing, or passes through your lips like acrid tar, I’m sorry to say chances are good your relationship with apologizing could use some work.

To be, or not to be sorry: that is the question

There seems to be two kinds of people when it comes to apologizing. The one who apologizes for the bad weather, the dip in the stock market, and for only being ten minutes early to the meeting. Then there is the person who refuses to apologize for running over your toddler with their vehicle. After all, they shouldn’t have been playing in that McDonald’s ball pit.

Both of these people sadly miss or misuse a crucial component that is the key to happiness, health, and truly having your shit together.

Don’t be that guy

You don’t want to be that person claiming Dutch politicians are being burned alive in front of a group of baffled reporters waving facts at you, but you just hunker down while people at home scream at you on the television, “Oh for god’s sake, just fucking apologize.”

Embarrassed Dog GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

It doesn’t need to be this way. Owning up to your mistakes fully, quickly, and sincerely is better for your reputation, your blood pressure, and your immortal soul. You need to stop seeing apologizing as losing. Apologizing should be one of the most empowering things you do.

To apologize is to take responsibility and control over your world, your actions, and your reactions. What is more empowering than that? Apologizing is acknowledging the truth of what happened, to make something better, and to expertly wield a very powerful healing tool.

It’s an expertise worth learning

The ability to mend what is broken is a universally valuable skill. From car mechanics to art restoration, fixing what is damaged is a trillion dollar economy. When it comes to correcting misunderstandings, and righting what is wrong, embracing your power over a situation gone astray is one of the most valuable things you can learn.

And the economic correlation doesn’t stop there. Your network is your net worth. Enriching the value of your relationships and holding steady on an investment pays off in more ways than one. When it comes to your relationship it’s not the day traders selling any stock that dips a point that comes out the winner. Your connections should be blue chip, baby.

You want to be a powerful, successful person? Learn to apologize.

Learn to do it well

The over-apologizer is not a skilled restoration specialist. They are the band aid brigade. And while I think this person is a sensitive peacekeeper, they miss that apologizing is a process. It’s not about quickly patching something up to avoid a confrontation, it’s about being a fucking surgeon. Put your band aids away and learn how to fix something even better than before it was broken.

No two apologies should ever be the same. You should describe exactly what you did wrong, why it was wrong, that you will not do it again, and how you will handle a similar situation differently in the future.

Just make sure that along that process you don’t fall into a common trap: the “but what about them?”

But what about them?

Apologizing is about taking responsibility for your actions, it’s not about the actions of the other person. Breath baby breathe, this is the hardest part.

There are always many factors that go into something breaking. Maybe the other person left your relationship precariously balanced on the edge of a table. Maybe you told them that is not where it goes, but they put it there anyway. But if you are the one who bumped it, that was the part you played.

In the grown-up world things aren’t as simple as “he broke my toy and is on my shite list.”

My brother and I recently got into it. He was being rude, presumptuous and cruel. And I called him a name.

Asshole Day GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Did he start it? Yes. Is it a complicated situation? Yes. Was apologizing difficult? I could have eaten a pine cone easier.

But I do not and will not be the type of person who calls other people names. Not on my watch, baby. I am the fucking king of my castle, and no one will force my hand in acting any way that is not kind, patient, and mature… except when they do, then I will apologize.

When you can unwind the complicated knot of conflict and hurt feelings and identify exactly where your string of responsibility winds, you win, your relationships win, the world wins.


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122 thoughts on “My Apologies: Conquering the World One Sorry at a Time

  1. Shite, Tiara, this post is brilliant on so many levels, and I love it and you for writing it. As a Canadian, I have been guilty of apologizing for things I wasn’t even involved in, but I have learned when it is and isn’t necessary for me to say sorry. If I am a dick, you better believe I am going to own that shit and make amends, because as you say, my connections are blue chip, baby – and they mean fucking everything to me. You made me laugh and think and adore you even more today. Good golly, I just love ya.

    Liked by 10 people

    1. Tanya! My love! I was thinking of Canadians when I wrote this post! haha! I love that canadians are so polite and accommodating, but maybe you should be the one woman movement of introducing “pardon” into the collective vocab! Haha!

      Like

      1. I’m sorry my joke wasn’t funny. I didn’t mean to hurt you.
        I think this is the first time I apologized this year. Oh shit, I have you mean it, right?

        By contrast, I meant what I said about the Serbs. The likelihood of getting a ‘I’m sorry’ is not slim, it’s skinny.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Yet again another fantastic post! I am the type that will apologize when I know I have done something ugly or wrong but I also go over the events and it never happens again. I truly hate when someone uses the words “I am sorry” too many times for the same thing! Repeating the same behaviors and thinking apologizing will fix everything is something that irritates me more than I can begin to explain. My mother would drink, do stupid things and then apologize my entire life. Those words started to mean nothing to me. I know that sounds horrible but I guess once bitten twice shy or in my case 50 times bitten always shy!!

    Liked by 5 people

      1. I had heard so many meaningless apologies from both my parents my entire life! It was definitely betrayal. My mother is starting to get her stuff together, thank you for asking. I just had to cut my father out completely, which has been better for me!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I’m glad to hear that, its refreshing to have an example of someone attempting to get their shit together, especially as an older person. I had to ditch the dad as well, some things can’t be fixed.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I loved this, apologizing can be really hard for me. But I have a father who was the same way (backed into my parked car once and completely chewed me out over how it was parked in the driveway and blamed me) so my biggest motivator is remembering how he made me feel, and knowing that I don’t want to make anyone feel that awful.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. oh honey, I am so sorry. That is a hard way to learn that lesson =( We have so many examples of “how not to be”, it would be nice if our fathers provided examples of “how to be” instead. You are a special person for being different than the example set for you

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I love this. I love hearing the flip side of things.

    I am a people-pleaser by nature (until I am not)…. I tend to say “sorry” for things beyond my control often. I get called out for it too. I’m not really apologizing for whatever it is that is bugging you – I am saying sorry that you feel that way. I can’t help it. It is a reflex – I don’t say fully what I mean – I am sorry you are choosing to flip out about something that I cannot fix. I am sorry you want to be angry. I am sorry that life gets you down.

    Now when I screw something up, I will give a heartfelt apology with explanation. The same way I prompt my boys – if you don’t know what you are sorry for, you aren’t really sorry. I learned a long time ago that it is easier to just tell people – “Hey – I fucked up…. I need your help to fix this”

    I guess I need to start speaking my full sentences, so that people know I am not taking the blame or owning up to things beyond my control. I have made a real effort over the past year or so to say it less. Well, I do make a lot of mistakes, so “I’m sorry” will never completely disappear!

    Liked by 7 people

    1. I really like chronic apologizers as people lol. They are usually humble, sensitive, peacekeepers. My husband who is a chronic apologizer put it perfectly ” It’s like yelling a dog’s name at him instead of saying “no” He’ll think that his name means no, and no has no meaning” lol

      Liked by 4 people

      1. So true… I think one of my dogs probably feels her name is “what did you do?”….

        The problem being the chronic apologizer, is that eventually it all builds up until you lose your shit… and then everyone is shocked. Not always the most effective, but most days we just want everyone to get along….

        Liked by 5 people

      2. OH MY GOD; I am making a fucking scene in the coffee shop right now! ” what did you do?” I am DYING! Seriously, people are looking. oooooh, the “bottler” that one also deserves it’s own post!

        Liked by 7 people

    2. Wow, Mom. I am just like you! I apologize for everything. But, I’m not really apologizing for the right reasons, I’m apologizing in order to prevent confrontation. I hate confrontation. I’d rather apologize to avoid it. But, like you said, sometimes we have to sit back, reflect and give a thorough apology. Apologize correctly.

      You’re right, Tiara, we all have a complicated relationship with apologies.

      Shite, this is something I didn’t even know I was doing wrong!

      Liked by 5 people

  5. What I like about your posts luv is that they are just true. I can sit back with a coffee undo my new bra (which is cutting me a new boob) and just read. In a similar vein another thing I think we don’t do enough is just to tell others that they are thought of. I think it matters. Great post, toodle pip xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks baby! I also have a new bra, and it is not comfortable; you get what you pay for I guess (I gotta stop shoplifting) Kidding! lol I love seeing your little face bubble pop up in my comments, always so sweet and supportive…and not supported…by the bra…..eh? eh?

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Nicely done, little Irish girl with the shite list! “I’m” and “sorry” are the hardest two words to use together in a sentence! There have been many times when I should’ve said them, but hell no! I was going down with the ship! “I’m sorry” be damned! It takes two they say, nope, wrong. It only takes one to say “I’m sorry” and mean it without the hope of further retribution. Now off to read your next post! ~Kim

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Tiara, you break my heart (because I hate that you have ever suffered or been hurt), but then you stitch it up again with humor and wisdom and strength. You write the truth, Gorgeous Lady, and you do it like no one else. I have always gone into every aspect of my life apologizing, before anything even happens, apologizing for my mere presence; but you are so right that an apology needs to be more than a band aid. I have always felt like the ability to truly apologize and take responsibility for one’s part in something is a mark of true strength. Thank you for another kick ass post!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I’m not crying, you’re crying! So sweet, can’t handle it, mouth contorting into bizarre frown smile. wheewww. Ok. Thank you so much for your comment and support. And for research purposes, would you say you have a fear of confrontation?

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I’m sorry to say (you see, that’s me apologizing as usual), but yes I probably have a fear of confrontation; I guess I feel like I am always wrong and bad and don’t want it validated by confronting a situation and getting knocked down. It’s just another lovely fucked up method to my madness. You have probably noticed that I am a bit of a gusher; I can’t help it, I need to spread the love. Every word is true!

        Liked by 4 people

      2. I need to interview a bunch of people about their fear of confrontation for a post, feel free to decline as that can be quite personal, but let me know if I can send you a few questions.

        Liked by 2 people

  8. Every single post you write is fucking gold dust, I love you! I’m a chronic over-apologiser. I used to think that this made me the bigger person, when all it really does it weakens the sentiment when it’s actually warranted.

    Thank you so much for this; enjoy your blog so much!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Damn you possum, I promised myself I wouldn’t follow any more blogs this month, but here I am following your awesomeness and pledging to also eat less meat.

      Like

  9. It’s so strange to live in a world where doubling down even on the dumbest, meanest remarks seems to be people’s go-to now. Especially when I’m one of those “apologize-for-the-stock-market” people. This post made me seriously consider that, though. Overdoing always seems better in my mind, but if it’s not sincere–because even if you are srry *for* someone, you can’t sincerely say you’re sorry that xyz happened–what’s the point?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Worse are the ones who not only double down but treat it as a debate. Like oh “I’m not sorry you think what I said was [insert] but let’s discuss why it really wasn’t as if this is some sort of debate where I get to convince you you’re overreacting and / or being one of those stupid bleeding heart liberal snowflakes”. (yes I have a particularly recent event in mind that this is being drawn from XD); listening to people when they tell you you’ve done something to hurt them can go a million miles- and it really takes someone with a particularly unique lack of self awareness not to.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 100% agree. Like yes I am responsible for my feelings but they also aren’t a debate. Except one thing: unfortunately this lack of sleep awareness is no longer very unique.

        Like

  10. I definitely am the type to say sorry too often. I’ve been working on this. I was actually going to write “I’m sorry you had to go through that,” but stopped myself because these days I’ve been wondering… what does that even mean? I’m not sure it actually means anything if someone pours their heart out to you and you’re like, “I’m sorry.” It’s not your fault, it turns the attention onto you by making you the new subject, and it’s really just an awkward default phrase to relay condolences when you don’t know what else to say.

    I also read this interesting article on using positive affirmations instead, like “Thank you for waiting” instead of “Sorry I’m late,” because it makes the other person feel better, too. But that’s hard to always use. It’s not like I can say, “Thank you for understanding that I stepped on your foot by accident!” Orrrrr can I……..

    Saying “sorry” can also give the other person power, so it can be a bit of a power struggle on whether who should apologize first. But not saying “sorry” doesn’t mean you have the power. It also takes power to say it. I’m rambling now so I’ll stop ahaha

    I love this topic you chose! So much to say about it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much! You know, writing this post, I was considering all the types of “i’m sorry” You are so full of love, that of course you want to say ” sorry for my struggles” And thats a great thing! I think the fear of confrontation apologizers deserve a post of their own. Thank you so so much for your support and comment!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah yes… “sorry” as a peace treaty for those who fear confrontation… that is a complex one that could get its own blog post. I look forward to it.
        You’re welcome! Thanks for the consistently great content!

        Liked by 1 person

  11. You know what’s funny? I always identified myself as the person who said sorry for absolutely EVERYTHING. You had a bad day? Your boyfriend broke up with you? Your favorite person didn’t get a rose on the Bachelor? I’m sorry. Because it’s totally my fault. But then I got into a lovely relationship with a man who frankly tells me that I never apologize first. WHAT?! You don’t say. So I’ve had to start looking at apologies in a much different way. Thank you for this lovely post my dear friend. You are a lady genius and we don’t deserve you ❤

    http://www.thepagesofpaige.com

    Liked by 4 people

  12. I am pretty good at apologizing once I figure out I have done something wrong. If someone is asking for an apology and I did nothing wrong I will sometimes still apologize anyway. Then, of course, I resent that person and get angry at them and myself. Guess I still have some work to do. I am still not a finished product.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I realized I did something wrong with my brother about 2 months after it happened, and it only took my three months after that to apologize for it, pretty sure we all could use some work lol

      Liked by 2 people

  13. You’re so right. There are people that almost apologise for breathing and I suspect there are self-worth issues there. Then there are the people who say sorry and then carry on behaving the same way. I don’t have time for those people! Saying sorry and meaning it takes courage and you’re right when you say it’s empowering. I hope your relationship with “sorry” has gotten better over time 💗

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I’m the chronic over-apologizer and it comes from years of abuse where everything I did was wrong. Boy, was it a hard habit to break- and I’m still not sure I’ve broken it. But one of the best things I ever did do legitimately was to learn how to apologize genuinely. And that means identifying the cause of hurt, taking responsibility for it, reflecting honestly on why you did it AND why it hurt them, and then sincerely apologizing (and you can’t sincerely apologize without taking the other steps- something some people seem to miss)… Learning not to give a fuck about some people, ironically, also helped with that whole chronic over-apologizing thing.

    https://yeslittlehummingbird.wordpress.com/

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Finding balance with saying sorry is definitely something I’ve been working on and need constant reminders about. I’m pretty decent at apologizing when I know I’m wrong, but I’ve also been known to apologize for things are definitely not my fault just to avoid conflict and move on. It didn’t help my marriage much. You’re right, it’s time to be big girls and use our power to mend with a brain and a heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I’m Canadian and here it is not uncommon to be stuck in a standstill apologizing to a total stranger for 10 fucking minutes over who gets to hold the door to accommodate the other. Even while we may not say our proper apologies to those who matter most. I am a recovering chronic over apologizer. I have for years apologized my life away due to a lack of self esteem and worthiness. I am just starting to become more deliberate with my apologies so the ones I throw out have more merit.
    Great post as per usual

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Where I grew up, “I’m sorry” could mean either “I regret what I did and I apologize” or “I feel sympathy for you in your situation” – two very different concepts!
    And then of course there are the people who say “Well, sor-ryy with a sneer in their voice so you know damn well they aren’t sorry at all and it takes all your pacifist powers to refrain from smacking that sneer right off their face. Ahem.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. “Apologising is taking responsibility of your actions but you do not need to take responsibility for others”
    This sentence struck me because I often would feel overly responsible for others.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I am struggling with “I’m sorry” right now. I constantly say it even when something is not my fault or something is out of my control. Or, the worst, when I’m apologizing for my feelings. I’m trying to change that — I should NOT apologize for my company’s policies or being justifiably angry. So I’m trying to stop! … But what do I replace “I’m sorry” with??

    Liked by 1 person

  20. This post needs to be read by sooooo many people I know! You’re so right, it’s really hard for people to swallow their pride and apologise, I always knew that part, but never understood why, but when you point out that it’s because they feel that apologising is like loosing- well now it all makes sense! Nice insight, well done!

    Liked by 2 people

  21. I’m always saying sorry for things that I can’t control, as being British I feel that it comes in with the territory. I also think I fit in with the first category that I say sorry for everything even though I didn’t do anything wrong, but on the other hand, I am sometimes persistent & won’t say sorry haha.
    But away from me, this post is funny – I didn’t know there was 2 categories of people who say sorry but when you think of it, there is. Your posts make me smile. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Such a great post. It is so true what you said and apologizing does not mean that you have given up or are the “weak” one. It just means that you respect the relationship. You succeed in making it funny and you have a great sense of writing style. You are the ‘shite’.

    Liked by 2 people

  23. I have no words. This is so well said. I also come from a home where the word’s I’m sorry were never uttered no doubt for the same reason. It was looked upon as a defeat. My mother in particular who never wanted or allowed herself to ever be wrong, as such she spent her whole life straddling the fence of everything just to ensure a victory. How exhausting that must have been, and such a shame. Everything I’ve come to love about myself I’ve learned from watching her refuse to do. This is beautifully written. Love.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I am for sure a bottler, and find it very easy to apologise. My mother, an anti-apologiser if ever there was one, once gave me hell for cracking her car windscreen. Never mind that it cracked after she braked so suddenly it catapulted me straight at the window where I thunked against the glass so hard the window split…. NONE OF IT WAS HER FAULT. HOW DARE I CRACK THE WINDOW? DIDN’T I KNOW IT WOULD BE REALLY EXPENSIVE TO FIX? DID I THINK MONEY GREW ON TREES??

    A master deflector, particularly against a seven-year old.

    I can’t bring myself to ever say anything in anger because I know that once I calm down, I will regret it and stew over it for days. Long after I’ve apologised it will continue to burn a hole of laser-guilt deep into my stomach lining. I will think about it for days, weeks, months. It will come back to haunt me at 2am when I can’t sleep and am busily making a mental list of all the things I’ve done wrong ever and how I can never make them right. Nooooooooooo thank you! I will bottle that shit up and swallow it down along with the litres of blood that have come from biting my tongue.

    Healthy!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Quinn, =( I am always so sad to hear when people can relate to my experience, because that shit sucked. I think it is a good discipline to not speak in anger but it’s such a delicate balance between rage, bottling, fear of confrontation, regret, hemorrhoids….well, maybe not hemorrhoids, but lets face it, it with all that pressure it could happen…

      Like

  25. It’s embarrassing how often it comes as a giant epiphany that I need to apologize to someone. Volatility is a perilous trait, and I worry it may require a mountaintop retreat in a loincloth to ever fully expunge. Metaphorically. I guess.

    Apologizing seems indispensable to humility, yes? The best of the best.

    Thank you for writing and thinking real

    Liked by 3 people

  26. Oh my sweet, this post was utterly delicious.

    I’m catching up on your posts… I have been struggling with a few of my unruly disease processes (yanno, it’s been a day that ends in a Y for me) and even though you’re only one of two bloggers I follow, I’m still behind on reading.

    Hopefully I get a pass because I am apparently going blind in my right eye, and no one knows why. Reading = no bueno.

    Where’s that robotic body you promised me in our last email conversation, btw? 🤔

    I wanted to share that I, too, grew up in an Apology-less Universe. I had a parent who would apologize for all the starving children in Uganda, or for wildfires going on in New Mexico, but anything that went wrong under our family roof was always Yours Truly’s fault.

    The problem is, when people grow up in family situations where the cost of owning behavior is too high, they turn into adults (and then parents) who are especially bad at adulting. And they have kids who then have to become adults at very early ages. *Waves hand enthusiastically*

    On the topic of the actual phrase “I’m sorry”:
    People have told me I often say “I was wrong” instead of “I am sorry”, and I explain that I still retain a fear response from using that phrase, due to the sheer cost of using it with unstable people that are willing to make you the scapegoat.

    Dysfunction is a family gift that keeps on giving.

    I’ll close by saying I’m very sorry I’ve missed anything you’ve written because it always brings me joy and makes me think deep thoughts…. But I’m not sorry for any hurricanes or mudslides in other parts of the world.
    XoXoXo
    MichelleInTheMask

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Ah honey, I was thinking about you the other day! I would have written sooner but I have been travelling for work, and kind of an all around bad blogger because of it. Blind???? =( =( =( but…. how? Why? =( Are you back to writing? I’ll go mosey over to your corner of the web and see. “Dysfunction is a family gift that keeps on giving” Fucking genius. If I was going to get a family inheritance I would have preferred diamonds….or a box of rats.. either one would be better lol

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Nah you haven’t missed anything, I’m actually working on a post now, which should be up in about 2 days. My eye is a disaster of Biblical proportions. It’s just making me fight harder and smarter though, like everything else. PS- Re: your stepdad: ever heard of Borderline Personality Disorder?

        Like

  27. Awesome as always, my dear! Look, I’m the first to apologize when I make a mistake (even if, sometimes, I do it in intimidatingly), but I expect the same treatment in return. If somebody wrongs me (and, luckily, few do these days), I expect them to own up. If they don’t, I ain’t got time in my day no more for them. I had two fairly long-term friends cross me in recent years, they felt they could, they felt they didn’t have to own up afterwards, and now they feel like they haven’t seen or heard from me in years. I’m very unforgiving in that manner.

    On the other hand, it wouldn’t take much to earn me back. If one of them called me right now and said those magic words (no, not “can I buy you a beer?”, but that would help), I would forgive quickly and put the madness behind us. Barring that, no Tom for you!

    Again, excellent work, sister. You put the knees in bee’s knees!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Very Mr. Darcy of you Tom lol And I want to learn how to intimidatingly apologize. I picture whispering it in their ear and then slowly backing out of the room, am I close? =D I am quick to forgive as well, but then again I am essentially a giant Labrador retriever…

      Liked by 1 person

  28. I’m one to always apologise sometimes in a creepy way. I apologize to strangers and to anyone I mistakenly offend. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard: “what are you apologizing for? it’s not your fault”. Maybe it has something to do with me being in Canada or it’s my nature I don’t know.

    And if you’re still looking for “bottlers”, I’m one.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. This is so so so important! There is so much stigma that comes with apologizing. I fall on the side of apologizing for the small things or things that weren’t my fault but find it difficult to apologize for the bigger things or things that I should most definitely own up to and take responsibility for – perhaps because apologizing makes women look weak. I know, and you know, that we as women are the complete opposite of weak but it’s comes back to that stigma and to the fact that we also know what others may think of us. Another great post, as always!

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Wonderful post that made me really think. I used to apologize a LOT because a) I’m Canadian and b) it was the best way to stop my mother when she was in a rage–mitigated the damage a bit. I’m more careful now, and try to make it purposeful (except for the social niceties that Canadians subconsciously follow).

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Haha I love the Canadian aspect of it! But that really is the worst… sort of surrendering because of the other person’s unrelenting anger, pride, need to be right, etc. I definitely feel you on that. Glad you’re taking back the power now and owning the word however you want!

      Liked by 2 people

  31. “Apologizing should be one of the most empowering things you do.” yessss.

    “Apologizing is acknowledging the truth of what happened, to make something better, and to expertly wield a very powerful healing tool.” – super helpful to remember this. I came from a similar definition of apologizing and viewing is as a failure or loss. But when I do it, it’s anything but a negative and it’s always a win.

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  32. This is absolutely a great one. Those are two words I use too much, and also will still never hear out of my parents mouths, and I’m 63 and they’re in their late 80s. It’s their loss- the reason their son will never see them or speak to them again. Fred Luskin has a whole series of books on forgiveness. It’s the gift you give yourself. The important piece that makes a “sorry” worthwhile or not is the validation that the person gets what they did, without it, I’m sorry is just a piece of toilet paper on the bathroom floor that no one will ever use.

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  33. I love everything about this and about you. The eating a pine cone line fucking killed me LMFAO!! But you’re right. People are either pathetic and annoying apologizes or they’d rather die before owning up to their shit. There needs to be a middle, grey-shaded ground here, I totally TOTALLYYYYY a-gree. Me? I just try to do right by everyone so that I don’t have to put myself in the awkward position of apologizing with my tail between my thick legs. But the times I’ve had to apologize I just feel the redemption in my soul… I feel so much lighter you know?! I miss you 😘 sorry I’ve been lost!

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  34. Brilliant blog post, I’m looking for more female perspectives on life and “I’m sorry” even when it’s not my fault is something I’m still battling with, nice to see this blog post and know how to conquer it!

    Liked by 1 person

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