Putting the “Ho” in “Home Decor”

Rose in a vase with faux fur rug

I think we all have those things we really want in our lives and appreciate while simultaneously having no interest in learning how to make them happen. Maybe it’s how to do a classic updo, how to rock an Instagram eyeshadow look, change a tire, or cook a souffle. For me, that thing is interior design.

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I really appreciate a well-appointed room. I find them comforting and luxurious and soothing and amazing. I think having a polished and beautiful home is totally worth having. But when I start to read articles about “layers” and “textures” and “complementary colors,” it makes me want to tear my own arm off and then use it as a conversational piece on my coffee table. “Oh yes, I made it myself,” I will tell my impressed house guests.

But here is the thing about “adulting:” you should learn how to bring the things you want into your life, regardless of whether you have a natural talent for it.

Home cooked meals are worth eating, being able to pull yourself together for a classy event or meeting is important, being able to change your tire is important and having your home serve and suit you is important.

So here are the DG tips for those of you who have no attention span for interior design:

1. Learn to make your bed.

A. At the minimum, you should have three textures showing on your bed. You’ve got your sheet and the two sides of your bedspread. These should all show. But the sky’s the limit when it comes to mixing textures on your bed! You can use all the same color or a color scheme of three, but suede, faux fur, cotton, linen and even leather, you kinky bitch. All these textures mixed together will make your bed look like a tactile delight! The contents of your bed should say, “Touch me.”

B. You should be folding over and pulling down your bedspread about 2 feet more than you are now. Really peel that baby back to expose the soft underbelly of your bedspread…I’m not sure if that sentence made me hungry or horny, so let’s move on…

C. Your pillow shams aren’t for sleeping on. They are to add height and texture to the head of your bed, and should rest on yer sleepin’ pilla’s!

D. Satin pillowcases. Why do you make me beat this dead horse? Cotton pillowcases will kill your father and rape your mother. I was in a hotel last week sleeping on these mother-rapers and I woke up frizzy-haired and dry-skinned and had all these bizarre creases in my face. It’s bad bad bad. Get these.

2. Something green in your bathroom

You should have some kind of plant life in your bathroom, and no, the mold growing on your shower curtain does not count. So many bathrooms end up a “dead space.”  If light is an issue, as it is so often in these spaces, go for a mother-in-law’s tongue, a peace lily, or some magnetic succulents if both light and space are at a premium.

3. Lighting

Oh, girl, this is the one that really kills me. So boring. So, so necessary. I’m not going to talk about sconces and directional light and shit. You just have to know what kind of bulbs to put in which room, and you will be fucking shocked at the difference it makes.

Kitchen: 3500-4100 Kelvin (K). This will make your whites look whiter. It will make your surfaces look cleaner. It will be that refreshing energizing jolt you need to prepare a meal after a long-ass, bullshit day. You’re welcome.

Living room: 2700-3000K. I do like to use a mixture of floor lamps, table lamps, twinkle lights, and candlelight in the living room. I also use this light strip for behind the television. It makes Anderson Cooper easier on the eyes if that’s even possible.

Bedroom: 2700K or sixty thousand candles stacked around an altar with a mattress on it, surrounded by men in robes chanting in Latin.

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4. Flowers everywhere, flowers in her hai-a-a-a-air!

A. I like to add a couple of fake flowers to my fresh flower displays. It takes those real (but sadly sparse) $3 bouquets from the grocery store and turns them into a glorious display. I keep the fake flowers towards the middle and the real toward the outside so if some curious person reaches out to touch it, they’ll think it’s real. This is also why I wear a water bra.

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B. Fake flowers should be displayed in opaque vases. That there word means “Not see thru.” It’s because the “give away” for fake flowers is mostly the stems.

C. All fake flower arrangements should be at least thirty percent greenery. I know the green bits aren’t as satisfying to buy as the flowers, but they really make a display look real.

5. Doors

I have been really challenging myself with the feng shui stuff. I have almost made it through an entire chapter of a very small book. What I have learned is that all the doors in your home should swing freely. Having your doors open into tables, stoppers, or junk is really bad for your juju. Then there is something about all doors should open to a celebrated focal point… or something. I don’t know, I fell asleep. Leave me alone.

General advice.

The key to actually learning the things that aren’t of interest  to you is to find an information source that makes these topics more palatable! I certainly hope to be that resource for you.


What do you want to want to learn about? Maybe DG can put some sugar on that medicine! Let me know down below in the comments! Also, if you blog about fashion, cooking, car repair, makeup, interior design, or any skill-based thing, let us know!

150 thoughts on “Putting the “Ho” in “Home Decor”

  1. I love making things look pretty – my downfall… I am the furthest thing from a perfectionist! My creativity far out-weighs my desire to have things perfect. Good thing shabby-chic is an actual thing, because it is my jam!

    P.S. I freaking HATE making my bed, and my lazy dogs sleep in it all day, so I use that as my excuse….

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I used to hate hate making it! I think it is because my Duvet used to weigh like, 60 pounds! ( probably more like 8) and hauling it around was the worst! I replaced it with lightweight blankets and now making it is actually enjoyable!

      Liked by 3 people

      1. I have always made my bed every day, but not because I am that anal (about that), but because I despise getting into a messy, unmade bed at night and also hate having to straighten it out when I’m tired and just want in.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Definitely some interesting advice. I agree with doors swinging freely, unless you want to block off that door. I will see if any of this advice applies to garage decorating. Traditionally, men seem to make that their domain but I think your advice on flower arrangements might be useful somehow. How about small tools? Ideas on displaying those?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It is so infuriating! I had this bulky cabinet in my bathroom where if I left the cabinet door open and tried to leave the bathroom it would bang so loudly, and it would just grate on my nerves! I tore that mother out!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I think a lot of your advice is wonderful! I love to have flowers in the house, whether they be fake or real! I do try to keep the bed made, but my husband is ALWAYS the last one up and out of the house, so it does not happen all the time. I think it is so much more comfortable to get into a bed at night that is made. I love reading your posts and you always make me laugh!!

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Fuck, marry me goddess! I bought this house with the intention of doing ALL that. So far I’ve managed a chandelier (a cool one, not a dracula one) and a firewood basket. I moved in here in 2013 and I still have a drippy faucet and pictures to hang. My bedroom kicks arse though, that’s the room that counts! Love ya
    Sam xxx.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I personally prefer 60 thousand candles in my bedroom surrounding an altar of puppies.

    You finally gave me a name for the house plant I finally killed and wanted to replace (mother-in-laws tongue) so thank you.

    Also, the light behind the TV is genius.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Girl, did you kill a mother in laws tongue? How is that even possible? lol! I just left mine in a 50 degree room with no light for 6 weeks and I came home and it was bigger than ever. You must have lit yours on fire haha!!!

      Liked by 3 people

  6. Wait. Make my bed? Sooo getting out of it and leaving it looking like a toddler just threw a temper tantrum is not adult-like? Damnit!! Haha you are so right though! I had actually never folded down my comforter so the opposite side was visible, I mean, at least not on purpose. But today I did! And I do actually feel better.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Girl, sometimes I think that humans are these dark complicated souls, but then I make my bed and I’m like “Durp Durp, its a good day!” and I feel about as complicated as a german shepard lol

      Liked by 3 people

  7. I was literally so excited about that post and just sitting there like “okay okay okay” and making mental notes – then I realised that I don’t have HOME yet and don’t want to invest in a shitty flat that I don’t even like!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I so love this. Since a young age I’ve found myself constantly needing a change in my bedroom ; this has only enhanced since I’ve gotten my first apartment alone. It seems every other month I’m changing my bedding or rearranging my furniture and it feels so natural to do this. I love the advice in this post because it’s practical and gave me ideas about what else I can do to personalize my space. I definitely need some green life in my apartment.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Great advice!

    I love to decorate my home, and I tend to gravitate towards an eclectic mix of flea market finds and a bonus score at TJ Maxx!

    As for lighting in the bedroom, I’m a big fan of basking in the glow of candlelight. I opt for a less is more approach. Less seeing, more doing! It works for my fireman and I! 😜🔥

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Bedroom: 2700K or sixty thousand candles stacked around an altar with a mattress on it, surrounded by men in robes chanting in Latin.

    I got the giggles over this one. And sadly, most plants would just get eaten by the cat, but I like the idea of houseplants. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. This was super resourceful/ insightful! *bookmarked* I’ve always been lazy with interior design and wonder if it has impacted my productivity at home! Since this is where we spend the most time and really the only space we have control over, we should make or our own!!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. My home is my obsession/sanctuary. But it really started to come together when I forgot about design magazines and IKEA showrooms and just put cool shit I liked in it. I mean, basic tips (i.e. at what height to hang a picture) apply, but it should be fun and represent you.

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Umm, Tiara, any thoughts on how I scream ‘Touch Me’ without having a fancy bed, or, err, a home? 😩

    Totally going to reread this once I do have a bed set up to, like, invite people into or show off. As always, you made me laugh and want to buy some new light bulbs. Thanks, lady! xo

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Hey muffin!! Have you been looking into the airbnb stuff? You are going to need to know this! lol I think you sitting on your bed, with a laptop and a saucy, yet slightly uncomfortable look on your face is all you need! haha!

      Liked by 3 people

  14. I learned from my Jewish husband that all those random little items I like to put on any available surface and in my houseplants are called “tchotchkes.” I also found out that he doesn’t dig tchotchkes. I guess clear surfaces are a thing.
    Funny fun writing as per usual, my thanks to you for the smiles !

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Some thrift stores call it “bricy,” an affectionate diminutive for bricabrack, and so stinking cute I want to procure another apple shaped candle or ceramic family of cardinals!

        Like

  15. I threw out my back once making the bed, since then a comforter is a good send, just throw it over pile on the pillows and voila! House Beautiful! I have a small green ivy in my master bath, goes well but they usually get big and my husband wants to kill them. At my age low mood lighting in the bedroom is a must.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I look wistfully at those posts of beautifully made out living rooms, bathrooms, and kitchens. Then I realise I cannot be arsed with any of it 😂 The thing that puts me off the most is that I’d have to keep it clean and tidy. What? God forbid! I’ll just carry on dreaming!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I love this .. and I love you ..

    I design for the long haul .. there are some basic rules about layout and colour selections.. but you always need to put your own stamp on your own interiors .. it needs to reflect you and your personality..

    If you need any advice on anything just ask.. I’m always here sweetheart for you..

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Damn girl!!! You got this, and here you are telling me you can’t do this shit!! Haha, omg I love you. You make me laugh so much. But for real. Lights and green plants are very important to get a cozy feeling. Also about feng shui… clean out clutter and get organized. Boooooring for a lot of people. I love it though, haha. Feel free to hate me for that 🙂 Xx Cissi

    Like

  19. Water bras. I used to love mine…of course there is a story behind it, but I will save that for another day. Since I am in the process of moving as I type…well you get the point…and I am downsized tremendously, my style decor is completely focused on the game Tetris….pics will be available next week and maybe my water bra story as well 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  20. That lighting thing is a major drawback about apartment living. My kitchen lighting is garbage and I will not spend my own money buying decent bulbs because maintenance comes randomly to change shit out. It’s the same reason why I don’t install a good shower head or replace the burner covers on our electric stove–undoubtedly, I will receive a notification from management that between x date and y date they will come gut our appliances and lighting and I really don’t want to hassle with changing everything back to the shitty stuff so they don’t replace my nice shower head with some other garbage (which happened once to my mom and she’s still pissed off).

    I will never make my bed all fancy, sorry. I’m a bad adult. I just don’t care enough. If I ever have a guest bedroom, it will totally be made up all fancy with the folded back comforter and the whole nine. My own bed is made exactly as I like it when I go to sleep and my comfort > appearances, every time.

    For number 2, if you really have a brown thumb or you have pets (both peace lilies and mother-in-law tongues are poisonous to pets, some succulents may be, as well), stick number 4 right on in there. We have plenty of fake flower displays in our bathroom. I do not understand why this is, but it is.

    I am sooooo about function over form lol! Having both is preferred, of course, but if I have to choose, function and efficiency wins out every time.

    Like

  21. I’m really happy you shared these tips! I’m moving into a new home and need some decorating ideas and tips. One thing I’d find helpful is knowing how to keep all the cords to my electronics organized. They’re so messy and tangly and I just don’t know what to do with them

    Like

  22. Damn, Girl!! I love your writing style
    I almost zoned when I realized this post was going to be about home decor but remembered who was writing it so I kept reading… Only you can make me roll on the floor laughing reading something incredibly uninteresting to me!!
    Oh….just for the record…. Satin pillow cases ewwwww huge texture issues for me. Give me lovely soft 2500 thread count cotton any day of the week!!

    Liked by 1 person

  23. OMG. I was literally cracking up while reading this! Especially the part about Anderson Cooper. Believe it or not, I actually came across his show last night and thought, ‘dang, this guy is cute!’

    I will definitely be taking your advice regarding lighting! I need help there.

    Like

  24. Oh my Taurean Tiara, how I love the fact we’ve so much in common!
    My bedsheets are white. Duvet is white. White white white. However, my cushions are a duck egg shaggy faux fur, a grey velvet, a duck egg plush velvet, a cream saux fur, and a duck egg and grey rose designed brush cotton. I love me some textures. However, I don’t fold down my duvet, because I have a knitted grey blanket at the end of the bed, and all the cushions etc.
    And I love artificial flowers and always have many in each room. They just add a touch of elegance to the bedroom, a pop of colour (yeah, I went there) to the office.
    Anyway, great advice missus! It surprises me how few people really appreciate a well put together room x

    Liked by 1 person

  25. What’s a water bra???????
    In other news; our last home was rented with no storage space. But now we have cupboards! And having ‘a place for everything and everything in its place’ has made a huge difference to how our home feels. And we had SO many knick-knacks, mostly tealights! As we packed up the old house, it looked better and better without so much clutter, so now we just have a few things out, and change over seasonally 😉 My favourite trick to make the best out of old tat, if you can’t afford new, is colour co-ordinate 😉 Our stuff is hand-me-down and eclectic, but throw the same colour shit together in a room, call it ‘Hugge’ and bam, you’ve made a house a home 🙂 Thankyou for pointing out mould in my bathroom doesn’t count as greenery 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. A water bra, is … basically is a push up bra that they “claim” is filled with water instead of using pads to increase the appearance of your cleavage…. I promise you that whatever it is filled with is NOT water ( found out with my water bra leaking story….whoops, but here is what google explains them as This style of bra is named for the water used to fill the inserts. A water bra provides the effect of breast enhancement surgery without the expense or trouble of actual surgery. These bras can be used for special occasions or worn everyday. Water bras come in a variety of styles, so a woman can find one regardless of what type of outfit she is going to wear. These bras are made up of two separate parts: the water insert pads and the bra that they fit into. A woman should know how to properly care for a water bra so that the inserts don’t puncture.

      Liked by 2 people

  26. Haha. This post is hilarious. I can totally relate to the bed thing though. And what’s with movies and how everything looks so perfect sometimes. This is so relatable and funny!!! Another amazing post!

    Like

  27. I’ve always loved interior design. I’m the friend who begs her other friends to let me decorate their place for them. I keep twinkly lights in… shit literally every room in my house. It’s especially pretty for dinner parties and bow chica wow wow, if you know what I mean. My place has terrible lighting outside of maybe 3 hours a day, so the lights are always on, but lighting is my Achilles heel. I’m always cursing the bulbs I purchase for not being exactly what I was going for. I hope to get better now. I saw your bedroom on Twitter. Very soothing.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. This is ABSOLUTELY AWESOME writing! 😆

    Um, let’ see… I want to learn about… Which kind of medicinal sugar to put in my grapefruit juice and drink with my heart meds in the morning… And, um, I write on the skill of adult thumb sucking (there’s more to it than you know!)… And…

    Oh, yes: I’m reblogging this to my sister site Success Inspirers World. Have an excellent day!

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Another good one! You know i love your blog and now you have thought me again to get my shit together when it comes to decor. Now who else loves this here babe as much as i do?!

    Liked by 1 person

  30. I was cruising through my Reading List and saw the lovely picture of your post- I kept cruising. A couple of articles down, I asked myself, “Wait… did that just say “Ho in Home Decor”!?! LOL, another genuinely great article!

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Hilarious! Water bras, and men in robes chanting in latin… hahaha, love it. I’d love to hear DGs advice on love. I mean, not for me. I have lots of love. You know, with all those latin chanting dudes surrounding my bed. I do wish at least one of them looked a bit more like Anderson Cooper, but the lighting really is spectacular.

    Liked by 2 people

  32. Yeah, I’m as likely to do all of this as organize my tool box, or figure out the purpose of half the things in it. Honestly, it’s true. In fact, when I say I’m a DIY-er, I mean I picked the phone up myself and called the person who fixed it for me. 😉

    Like a lot of people who have already responded, I don’t make the bed. I mean, after the missus gets up, which is a minimum of two hours after me, I’ll pull the covers she left haphazardly folded toward the middle back over her edge of the bed, but that’s really to keep wet dog paws off the sheet. Isn’t that what bedspreads are for, anyway?

    I do love your lighting advice, because I’m a numbers guy, and that’s all about numbers. I’m gonna up my Kelvin!

    That sounded dirty.

    I’ll close by saying I do understand the necessity of presentation. Every single action figure on my bookcase is set in precisely the right pose for maximum effect.

    To summarize, I don’t cook or clean or make the bed or fix stuff around the house, and I collect superhero memorabilia.

    Swoon away, ladies. I’m taken. 😎

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What has Kelvin ever done to you?!

      I have a toolbox, Dad left it in my house 10 years ago and never picked it up. It makes me feel independent. Strangely enough, I’ve even used it once or twice. Mainly for the automatic screwdriver.

      Then I added girlie DIY stuff, like curtain rings and zip ties. Hmm.

      Liked by 2 people

  33. Oh Tiara! Lol. You know you’re the reason I spent half my life savings on a pure silk pillowcase right?! My children didn’t eat for 3 days and my puppy chewed on my feet for 6 and my hubby nearly left me but look I HAVE BEAUTIFUL SKIN AND HAIR so fuckkkkk it alllllllll (I sang that in FROZEN mode) I love decorating. It’s just too expensive and I really just pick and choose the little things that make my soul say “yes bitch…. yesssss”. I feel like when I read magazines their expectations of me are just too fucking high. No Susan, I cannot afford your 864$ coffee table. But IKEA though! What a fucking WINNER. Lol. Xoxo!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

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