How to Be All Classy and Shit

Woman at the beach with a sun hat

I have been thinking a lot about class lately. My thirtieth birthday is right around the corner and I have really been trying to hone my style. I’ve always been horrified by my mother’s butterfly bedazzled bell bottoms and the ever presence of “big gulps, tractors, and pink camo” in my sordid memory bank. But what makes someone classy? The internet has nearly convinced me that the whole of classiness is kept in the human cuticles and if they aren’t on point, I should just hang myself with a length of the Confederate flag while standing on a crate of Pabst.

Not one to believe everything the internet tells me, I thought about real life. Who was the classiest person I know?

For me, that person is my dear friend Betty. Betty is a landscaper and ironically has the most mangled cuticles I have ever seen. When she comes by my place, covered in dirt, cursing up a storm, she brings with her an armload of dahlia bulbs or a length of hose for my yard. She clasps my face with both of her hands and tells me how beautiful I look that day. She tells me that my orchid is too dark green and will be happier in a sunny spot. She exudes a level of class that I strive for. Intelligence, warmth, openness. She is just so damn classy.

So put away your wallets and, cuticles be damned, today we are talking about the dos and don’ts of how to be all classy and shit.

1. Mysterious Facebook posting

(aka Vaguebooking)

Vaguebooking is when you post something to FB along the lines of, “Wow. Just wow. I am so over all of this drama, you know who you are.”

I get it, we all need to vent, but the problem with vaguebooking is it invites 500 of your nearest and dearest to think of every bad experience you have ever had together. I’m no Wiccan, but that is some serious bad thought juju headed your way.

When you say you are annoyed with some mysterious person, you force people to ask if it is about them. What could they be mad about? Was it something you did? Could it be that time that you went over to their house and accidentally let their dog out and it took hours to find him and now they are communicating their anger via the whole internet three years later, even though you ALREADY APOLOGIZED? FUCK YOU SUSAN, TRAIN YOUR DOG!

Instead of enforcing needless negative associations with your relationships call the person you have a beef with and tell them that they hurt you.

2. Assuming you know people’s experiences better than them

Taking someone’s experiences at face value has been one of the most difficult things for me. I was raised in a house where Restless Leg Syndrome was a liberal conspiracy, homosexuals just hadn’t found the right woman (there was no such thing as gay women), and grandma was hooked up to a breathing machine because she was a drama queen and just wanted the attention.

Episode 9 Conspiracy GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

We can become so uncomfortable living in a world where people’s experiences genuinely differ from ours, that we choose to disqualify those experiences entirely. “You’re not depressed, you just need to pray/lose five pounds/get a boyfriend, bathe in the blood of a buxom virgin, etc.”

The list of things I thought simply didn’t exist because I hadn’t personally experienced them was a long and embarrassing one. Nowadays, if someone tells me that they were taken aboard a spaceship and experimented on, I just assume that they know their experiences better than I do and then avoid cornfields for the rest of my life.

Everyone has something to offer thanks to their unique experiences. Going into a situation willing to grow and learn is just about the classiest thing you can do.

3. A freezer meal is always appropriate

When it comes to supporting people through everything from victories to tragedies, one of the classiest things you can do is bring a freezer meal.

Friend had a baby? Freezer meal. Colleague got in a car accident? Freezer meal. Grandmother died? So. Many. Freezer. Meals.

The freezer meal is so loving because it doesn’t force someone to “eat now.” It doesn’t say, “Eat this and tell me how great I am” but instead anticipates their future needs. It also puts a little control back into a person’s life and doesn’t put any pressure on them to entertain you. It is not for sharing. It’s for them. Learn a few meals that freeze beautifully and you’re on your way to classy on ice.

4. A classy lady says nothing

There are so many situations that leave us short of words. Funerals come to mind for me. I used to become so absorbed in saying the perfect thing to the bereaved that I made the whole experience about me and my problem of not knowing what to say. By truly being present in the moments of awkwardness or grief or pain and not worrying about what I am going to say, I know when is the right time to hold someone, to give them their space, to offer a tissue, and to say nothing at all.

5. A classy woman volunteers

Taking action in your community is the gold standard when it comes to being a classy broad. I think many of us find our volunteer options seriously limited and if we don’t feel like clocking a few hours at the retirement village we’re outta luck. So. Not. True.

I have found that anything that bugs you about your community can be addressed. An example. In my city, there is the Millennial Fountain. It’s beautiful and so god damn dirty that everytime I drive by it I call it “shit fountain.” I mean, it is dirty. DIRTY!

Last week I called the parks department in a Monica Gellar-style craze and told them I was going to go out with a bucket and clean it and there was nothing they could do to stop me.

Monica Gellar GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

“Do it,” they said. “You can solicit volunteers and donations and we can call the local news to get the word out.” Bam.

A classy woman is a woman of action, who helps where she can and makes the world a more beautiful place. I really invite you to look around your town or neighborhood and challenge yourself to find something that you can improve, you might be surprised at how much power you have.


What is your definition of class? Who is the classiest person you know? Share your thoughts in the comments below and be sure to check out March’s Awesome female bloggers!

105 thoughts on “How to Be All Classy and Shit

    1. People who exude confidence and intimate self knowledge, but don’t turn their nose up at others for lacking what they have. People who try to make the world a better place in their own little ways- and do it while being immaculately dressed to boot (though I don’t personally see “stylish” and “well kept” as synonymous with “Classy”).

      Liked by 7 people

      1. I totally agree classy people don’t turn up their noses at others. It’s that mix of confidence and kindness that’s seriously classy. Also what’s the point of making other people feel bad?

        Liked by 5 people

  1. I love this post, especially the part about freezer meals! Nothing helps more during a tough time then a no obligation meal. I also post volunteer opportunities everyday Wednesday, and a lot of them can be done online. Great way to use a lunch break for a good cause!

    Liked by 10 people

  2. For me when I see someone being kind to a stranger it is the classiest thing ever. It’s not about how you look or even what you smell like. It’s about being aware of others and showing empathy. Yup. Empathy is classy!

    Liked by 7 people

  3. According to your guidelines, I’m classy as fuck! My facebook shots are NEVER vague, I volunteer and launched a social enterprise, and my cuticles are trash! If I’m the definition of classy does this mean that running tights are now acceptable business casual attire? Only in black of course.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Loving this post! I think that selflessness if classy as f*ck. When a friend is able to truly be there to support you without making the situation about them. Similar to what you mentioned about how you used to react during funerals. I also think it’s classy when us lady drinkers can handle our liquor. I’m a fan of a little liquid courage but nothing impresses me more than a woman who knows her drink and drinks with confidence (: stay classy my love!

    Thank you again for featuring me. It truly warms my heart and empowers me to continue becoming a badass blogger like you ❤ http://www.thepagesofpaige.com

    Liked by 5 people

  5. To me, the classiest people are the ones who have the power to just absolutely destroy someone who hurt them, but choose not to. Like, maybe they have some serious dirt on their ex who cheated on them, but they choose not to use it because they don’t want to stoop to that level. Also, they don’t gossip. Gossiping, to me, is the opposite of classy behavior.

    I remember reading something once that said, “Small minds talk about people. Average minds talk about events. Big minds talk about ideas.” or something like that. It always stuck with me. The point I took away from it is there are so many better things to talk about than how ugly someone’s shoes are or how bad they are at their job (which is almost always followed up with an implied or direct assertion that “I am obviously way better than they are” which is just tacky and gross on many levels).

    I vaguebook to Hell and back, though. Not about people. Usually, it’s like, “Ugh, fuck today in the ass with something big, rusty, and sharp. #OverIt” Usually it’s in reference to public transit. Or the government. Or my biology teacher (who is comprised more of evil than of biological matter, so I’m not sure she qualifies as “people” in this context).

    I’m not very classy. XD

    Liked by 5 people

  6. Whenever I think of classy, I think of the gif of the queen (fake queen) who says ‘a queen is never late, everyone is simply just early.’ I don’t know why but instantly when you mentioned classy, that gif came to mind.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. My favorite is a classy lady says nothing. Sometimes I feel urged or pressured to say something, but listening can be better in certain situations, and certainly classier. I think any vague thing on the internet seems un-classy, even sub-tweeting. Sometimes I do it but usually on a private account that I have for venting, nothing so big like on FB. Also, I kind of hate FB.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. Reblogged this on SPO_OKY and commented:
    Damn, Girl – Being all classy and funny and insightful and shit (again). I love this, love how much I laugh whilst reading her hilarious writing.

    Liked by 4 people

  9. You are classy, and I totally adore you. Do you mind running for President so that you can save us from being obliterated by this classless house of circus clowns? I mean, when you are done cleaning fountains and shit? Great post darling! And for the record, I welcome a freezer meal any day of the week! 😘

    Liked by 7 people

  10. If you’re talking original class, then there are the Audrey Hepburns and the Grace Kellys of the world (and I’m sorry for copying 2 of your readers, but those two are exactly who I thought of), but most of the classiest women I know are being classy out of the public eye. I’ve known so many of them that I could compile a Most Classy Women List – and maybe will, once I’m done at finishing school…

    My definition of a classy woman is one who respects and loves herself. A ‘together’ woman who gets things done without any weeping or wailing and with absolutely NO fuss. She doesn’t have to have fancy clothes or designer anything, but she knows how to dress to suit her shape and her personality. She doesn’t bitch about much, if at all, and doesn’t listen to gossip. She rarely shouts or swears and never hits out in anger.

    Not me then…ffs.

    Loved this blog (as per).

    Liked by 4 people

  11. And only because DGYST is supportive of shameless self promotion, I’m gonna keep it classy and ask y’all to vote for me in my Rockstar Rumble matchup. My tiny blog that could made it to the Sweet Sixteen round and is in one helluva dog fight to make it to the Elite 8.

    All you’ve gotta do is go to https://rockstarfinance.com/rockstar-rumble-round-4-posts-1-8/ to see today’s matchups. My post is in Game 1. Vote for “Scared”

    That’s it. One vote per person please. And most of all thank you! Oh and if you have the time, read the posts. Tons of good financial management insight and advice.

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Good for you for getting that fountain clean! I totally agree that volunteering for things is classy.

    I also LOVE the freezer food idea. I need to do that more.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Another FANTASTIC post!! I’m not even surprised anymore. I’m actually developed a routine. When I get a mobile alert that you’ve posted something new, I sit my ass down and read it. After reading it, legit, I have to share it!

    All of your examples of class hit home for me. When I see those kinds of Facebook posts, I admit, I kinda cringe a little bit! Ughhh.

    I’ve noticed over the last year, at least for me, I really appreciate a kind and thoughtful person. Heck, I think class really just has a lot to do with maturity, tactfulness, and plain ol’ good-person-hood. Good person 101!

    Thanks for another great read 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  14. Great blog as always!!
    If you asked me about my definition of classy in my 20’s, I would have told you it is a woman of independent means, sipping Dom from fine Waterford crystal, as she’s lunching with her “ladies” at Tavern on the Green. Fast forward to 50, and I will say with brute honesty, that being classy is being comfortable in your skin, knowing your worth, owning your sexy self, and as much as you want to give someone a piece of your mind, you smile sweetly and say nothing, knowing the beauty of it all, is in the knowing!! And a classy lady doesn’t always need to go gangsta.
    There is a humility in staying silent when the expectation is that they are waiting for you to lose your shit!
    I couldn’t agree more with you about “vaguebooking” just….No!

    Liked by 3 people

  15. To me, a classy woman is one who is so comfortable with herself that she doesn’t need to play those myriad games that humans play to score points and get one-up on each other. Not that she thinks she’s the greatest thing since sliced bread, but that she knows herself well enough that she isn’t afraid of what others think – because if they say something bad about her, she knows it’s not true. Or she knows it is true and has already faced up to that.
    It’s a self-assurance without pride that means she doesn’t need other people’s reactions to feel good about herself, and she’s able to deal with others’ differences without feeling threatened in herself.
    As Kipling put it,
    “if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;”
    Also, don’t mess with your cuticles. God put them there for a reason – they help protect that tender spot at the base of your nail (you get damage there and your nail’s a goner).

    Liked by 4 people

  16. First let me say, Happy Early Birthday to you! I hope you enjoy your 30th birthday. Crazy thing is, my 30th birthday was my rehearsal dinner for my wedding! Definitely an unforgettable time, but I keep saying that I never turned 30:)! My husband proposed the day after my 29th birthday, so it worked out that one year later was a Saturday and we planned our wedding for that day. It was really because I wanted his grandmother, who was older, to still be with us.
    Anyways, this was a great post! Personally I view classiness as being kind and considerate to others. I think it is classy to always view others equally and never pass judgement. I treat everyone the same, no matter what!!!!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Kindness is always classy! Totally agreed! Wow a birthday wedding rehearsal, that’s not a “dirty thirty” lol! I am trying to decide if I want to do a big blow out

      Liked by 1 person

  17. In what I now realize may be a matter of an unconscious, internally situated classometer, every time I make it a priority to look all passersby in the eye and give a nod and/or a hi, I feel like a quality human.
    Also, having had 3 home births, I can absolutely testify to the veracity of your freezer meal insight!
    Thank you again for being super

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Love this piece. It made me laugh and think. This line in particular: “grandma was hooked up to a breathing machine because she was a drama queen and just wanted the attention” Lols galore. I classy is a matter of the beholder. I like the sound of your landscaping friend!

    Liked by 3 people

  19. Echoing some of the above, I think of classy being about grace, ‘rising above’, compassion, modesty, being non-judgemental and being informed. Qualities I possess – not. And just wondering where I would find that buxom virgin whose blood I could bathe in. Asking for a friend.

    Liked by 3 people

  20. ” I was raised in a house where Restless Leg Syndrome was a liberal conspiracy, homosexuals just hadn’t found the right woman (there was no such thing as gay women), and grandma was hooked up to a breathing machine because she was a drama queen and just wanted the attention.”

    This made me laugh. The truth in this is uncanny. And frightening. I believe class is about perception, tradition, and culture. What’s frowned upon by some is luxury to others.

    Liked by 4 people

  21. I’ve never really thought about whom I would consider classy, and even sitting here trying to put it to words is quite difficult.
    Actually, as I think about it, most of my friends I’d consider classy yet it’s a quality about them that I just can’t put into words as to why… How strange! xx

    Liked by 2 people

  22. Classy is seeing, not just looking. It is opening yourself up to the world around you, interacting with the world with honesty and integrity. It is being truthful with yourself, understanding the capacity for goodness, generosity and love. It is in the ability to give, but also to allow others the same privilege. Classy is everything you have written here and it is the ways you have chosen to move through the world, to help and influence others while maintaining your own voice, strength and fire. You are a classy lady a million times over, and that is undeniable. Love and gratitude to you Gorgeous Lady!!!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  23. holy shit i love your blog,it makes me feel badass and that’s everything.totally following your blog haha.mind checking out mine too?i write about things similar to yours.you won’t regret it,promise!

    Liked by 3 people

  24. I don’t fully understand class, so I rely on y’all to counsel me. I mean, I lift my pinky off my beer when I take a sip, and sometimes I give the mother-in-law cab money on bingo night, so that’s class-ish. I understand what class isn’t, I think. Class isn’t paying off a porn star mistress a week before an election. Class isn’t deciding public policy in all caps on Twitter. Class isn’t misunderstanding the world’s problems but still thinking you’re the only person that can solve them.

    Class isn’t marching with swastikas.

    So if that ain’t class, then I suppose class would be decorum as a leader. Class is fidelity. Class is accepting all people for who they are. Class is being cool. The Fonz had class. The kids at the end of The Breakfast Club had class. Barack Obama has class.

    I’m think I’m starting to get the hang of this class thing.

    1. Be clear and speak your mind, tactfully and with empathy.
    2. Don’t judge.
    3. Gift thoughtfully.
    4. Say only what needs to be said, and nothing more. (Chili Palmer was classy!)
    5. Help where you can. Give til it hurts.
    6. Read DGGYST, and get your shit together, regardless of gender.

    I have a feeling I’m way outclassed here, but how did I do? 🤨

    Liked by 2 people

  25. Good stuff – love it!

    Other than my mother who is the obvious answer, I have to go with my friend Cindy. She does stay well groomed and always looks over the top fabulous, but those are not even close to being her greatest attributes. I could write a dissertation about what I admire about her, but I’ll settle for two of the most impressive behaviors. #1 She is devoted to her family. Inspite of the fact that she works well beyond full time in a highly demanding position (she is one of the top female executives in a Fortune 500 company), she is always there for her son even when it’s time to do things she normally avoids like the plague e.g. galas, camping trips, etc. She’s also a loving and devoted wife, daughter, sister, aunt and friend. No matter how busy she is, she always makes time for the people she loves when they really need her. #2 She is an amazing boss. Never mind that she is downright gifted when it comes to her chosen profession, she is also devoted to helping others succeed. Even before she officially managed others, she was a fabulous mentor. But now, as an executive, she has built an amazing organization because the best and brightest all want to work for her. She has a reputation for being a great boss – for fighting for employees on everything from bonuses to career opportunities. My girl Cindy is the bomb – the epitome of class in my book.

    I have to mention one other character I think if when I read the word “class”. She’s not a real person, but she was my role model when I was a teenager. I’m referring to Elizabeth Bennett from Jane Austen’s classic novel Pride and Prejudice. I was never a big reader until I picked up that book at age 15. After that I was not only hooked on Regency fiction, but in awe of Miss Elizabeth- talk about a chick who had her sh!t together. She was so charming that she never offended anyone that matters, even when she meant to. She was so level headed and able to exam and reflect on her own flaws…. and was determined to better herself. Not better her financial or social situation, but better herself on the inside. At 51, I still find her a compelling character worth both admiration and aspiration.

    Thank you for the thought provoking post!

    XOXO,

    Misty

    Liked by 3 people

  26. Absolutely loved reading this post! It is so comical yet so bloody true! The word “classy” gets thrown around far too much nowadays and normally about the wrong kind of people! You have opened up a whole new and better level of class! Thanks for the read 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  27. Each point is on point! My favorite is assuming you know peoples experiences better than them. That one hit home because people ty to tell me something about me or what I’m going through, but not all experiences look/are the same!
    Great post and good read!

    Liked by 3 people

  28. Absolutely loved this post. As for the classiest women I know, they also seem to keep their circles small. Thy may have a wide network of business associates, etc, but as for close friends, they seem to have a very small inner circle. May just be coincidence

    Liked by 2 people

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