It is my sincerest hope that this post doesn’t resonate with most of my readers. I hope you can wake up in the morning, brush your teeth, pour yourself some joe, and work a long and productive day at your nine to five job, five days a week until you die… at your desk.
But I wanted to put a resource out there for my readers who have bouts of “I am just too fucking crazy right now to work a real job.” Because despite what we may think, it happens to the best of us.
I have very good mental health. I wake up happy, I don’t experience any kind of explosive emotions (unless, of course, I see dogs locked in hot cars or someone chewing really loudly then, naturally, all bets are off). For the most part, I’m a pretty stable Sally.
That being said, all of my immediate family members are severely mentally ill. Like, screaming-at-mailboxes-and-threatening-to-kill me mentally ill. I also have PCOS and when I have that perfect combo of “daddy is stalking me again” and “I’m five weeks late for my period,” sometimes I get too fucking crazy to work.
I have had times in my life where my family situation, my health, or my work situations have been too much to endure. I have left jobs because of sexual harassment so bad I would have felt safer on the set of “Good Will Humping.” During those times, the idea of putting on a cute outfit, getting a Starbucks, and talking with all the scary people has left me noping right the fuck out of my job. But that’s the thing about life: crazy or not, you always gotta have that sweet cash to pay those not-so-sweet bills.
So what do you do when you just snap? Your fibro or anxiety or piece-of-shit boss force you into the world of unemployment? How do you pay the bills when you’ve had it with the nine to five, and it’s had it with you? Luckily, DG has you covered.
Here are seven things I have done for money at my nuttiest:
I made $600 profit my first 30 days on Poshmark. I took a few thirty minute YouTube courses on what brands to thrift/buy at a discount/pull off of strangers on the streets while screaming, “Gimme that cardigaaaaan,” etc. I snap a few photos, list it, and bam: money in the bank.
I can not say enough good things about Poshmark. It’s easy, free to list, and it’s an eco-friendly business model. If you want to check out my store here it is:
Don’t skip over this one if you can’t sew. Seriously. I am a fairly accomplished seamstress but the idea of accidentally ruining someone’s things is more anxiety-inducing than a board meeting. When it comes to freelance seamstress work, take a one-hour time investment to learn how to hem an item. That’s it. Doing a hem is easy peasy lemon squeezy. Measure, fold, sew. It’s a lucrative skill you can pick up in under an hour. I do a three-item minimum, $10 an item, and run a free ad through my local Facebook Marketplace.
I love to do side hustle housekeeping. The vast majority of the time, I end up dusting rich people’s antiques while they are in Bermuda for 40 bucks an hour, but I also love to take on a challenge. I enjoy cleaning, I enjoy beautifying my surroundings, and I enjoy getting paid under the table. (Joking, IRS man, joking! I always pay my taxes, sir. You didn’t hear that you handsome thing. Uh oh, I hope you’re not going to spank me for being a naughty… woah, woah, sorry, I’m back!)
I always urge people who want to start some house cleaning on the side to go through Facebook, only take on friends of friends or referrals, no single men, and just practice good safety sense.
I enjoy the labor pool. It’s all the normal work type stuff you would do but with the knowledge, that like meat in the grocery store that expires that day, you get what you get. There’s little expectation from your boss du jour that you be a completely healthy, functioning individual. Sometimes all it takes is not having the pressure to be normal that allows us to act normally.
In almost every town there is a hoity-toity store that sells shit for prices with commas in it. It makes me shudder, but it also brings out the opportunist in me. I like to go to my local thrift, buy all of the moth-eaten cashmere, wash it, comb it, and turn it into 100% cashmere throw pillows. For about $6, I can make a pillow that retails for between $100 and $250.
If your local snooty store doesn’t want to carry your product, whether that be soaps, oils, decor, fancy chocolates, or art, take to the online marketplace. But you should know, they ALWAYS DO! Don’t be afraid of the snooty stores. Find a local one, ask to talk to the store buyer, tell them that you are a local, female-owned business, that your line is currently carried at ten other locations (you know, your bathroom, your living room, the trunk of your car, they don’t need to know the details), and that you would like to be considered for their next season. 90% of the time, it works every time!
Express Writers: the ultimate cash cow for the anti-social. Well, maybe not a cash cow. Maybe more like a cash calf. Or cash… goat. It doesn’t pay awesome, but it is a legit side hustle that doesn’t require you to move from the comfort of your padded cell.
You turn in a couple of things that demonstrate your basic writing skill, and they send you some boring writing work. From writing short ebooks about the history of basket weaving, or blurbs for people’s business bios, Express Writers can offer a steady stream of mediocre work that you can do from home.
We all have resources at our disposal if we learn how to look for them. Uber, Airbnb, and Parklee (where you rent out your driveway) can be great ways to leverage what you already have into an income stream.
I know that we are led to believe that the career path runs smoothly for everyone except us. That it isn’t ok to be burnt out, unmotivated, or just too fucking crazy to work right now. In reality, I don’t know a single person who hasn’t had a life crisis that has interfered with their cash flow. It’s going to be ok.
If it is taking you longer than expected to get back on your feet, reach out and don’t beat yourself up. Even if you do have a steady nine to five, cultivating a skill that can bring in additional income is always wise.
What have you done for some quick cash? Let me know in the comments below!