Who Is Bothering You Most during Quarantine?

An angry otter
~ DGGYST

Ah, coronavirus. A virus that needs no introduction. The star of all our lives right now brings out the best in us, the worst in us, but mostly it seems, the annoying in us. Whether it’s the protesters, the hoarders, or the family members who struggle way too much to figure out Zoom, there is some group of people getting under all of our skin. I invite you to have a nice vent with me, air those grievances, girl, because it’s never good to keep that in.

The part-time hippie

I have a pretty respectable amount of hippie in me. You can read about my favorite hippie shit on this very blog. So when I get bothered with the amount of hippie quackery presenting itself as a cure to the coronavirus, you know we are in dangerous territory.

I have an alarming number of people in my life right now that have suddenly embraced the alternative, hippie, all-natural lifestyle. They are sweet and well-meaning but drinking a little tonic water and putting a crystal in my pocket is not the secret solution the medical community doesn’t want me to know about.

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Now here is the thing. If you are a 22-year-old raw vegan professional yogi named Kindra making millions of dollars off your Instagram by twisting your body into magnificent shapes while drinking twig tea overlooking the alps at an ayurvedic monk retreat where you spend 6 months a year: You. Go. For. It. Rub some turmeric on your gums to fight this virus. Your immune system is probably so bored it’s sorting your spam folder and curing other people’s cancer.

But my cousin, aunt, and next-door neighbor are not Kindra. They are going on 5 hours of sleep after a night of freezer-burned Totino’s Pizza Rolls and Jack Daniel’s and screaming at their kids. And that’s ok. But stay the fuck home. Don’t bring a 6 pack of Schweppes to a beach party. If you start with your dry coughing and your sudden loss of smell, put the açai berries down, girl, and see a doctor.

The guy making you feel like you suck at your goals

You know how you always wanted to learn the guitar and lose that baby weight and maybe write a YA novel about the forbidden love between Cthulhu and a vampire unicorn? You are not some hideous underachiever for not doing those things during your quarantine.

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There is this overwhelming subset of people who think that instead of a scary virus wreaking havoc on people’s lives, the coronavirus is actually a magical opportunity faery sent to give you the time to achieve your goals. That bothers the shit out of me. Yes, there are things you can be doing and probably are, and we will discuss those things next week. But don’t let anyone shame you for not writing the next War and Peace.

That said, if you have been meaning to write the Cthulhu Vampire Unicorn love story, or even one about a love triangle between a regular unicorn, a vampire, and Cthulhu, or any combination of those, please do because we all need a little something to look forward to.

The economic Donner Party

It’s been a few weeks. How did we get to sacrificing old and vulnerable people to the vengeful gods of the economy so quickly? Seriously, this is the equivalent of a group of people getting stuck in the Rockies and resorting to cannibalism the second they get a little hungry. Well, not hungry, but the kind where you might be thirsty or just bored. Also, there are pre-packaged snacks and soda but they are off-brand and no one wants to eat that… so GRANDPA IT IS!

Stop. Stop with the talk of letting vulnerable people die excruciatingly so we can continue to shop at H&M and stop looking at me like that. Go eat something, freak.

Those are people bothering me most during my time here in quarantine. How about you guys? Who is bothering you the most and why?

Damn, Girl is now on Instagram! Enjoy pictures of my face, my house, things I ate for breakfast, funny birds I saw on my walk, pictures of my relatives who you don’t know, pictures of places that don’t look that good in real life but that I captured at just the right angle, shots of me in the bathtub after I cleaned the bathtub really well (which I wouldn’t have done if I wasn’t posting pictures of my tub on Instagram), other people’s cats, and much much more!

Follow me on Instagram!

55 thoughts on “Who Is Bothering You Most during Quarantine?”

  9. I will follow you on Instagram (once I get off here and get MY shit together).

    I’m a checkout girl who’s had it with just about all humanity. I can no longer stand (most) people. I want to go home to my kid – who’s no more a kid than I am a girl ffs – and chill in my jammies watching Friends and drinking Baileys. I look out the window sometimes just to see if anyone’s looking up at me, but they aren’t. Suits me just fine. I am, gawd forbid, eating healthily (mostly) but I’ve been a cheap date for years so that’s nuthin’ new. I occasionally go out for a walk, if I’m not shattered from being at work and wash my hands a lot. I’m trying to be safe for me and the people I LUV.

    The people who’re bothering me most are the ones who are abusive to me at work. The Resisters who think nothing applies to them, The Arrogants, The Misogynistic Twats, The Overbuyers of Soap – with their dirty fingernails?? These exist, trust me.

    What HAS amused me however is a regular customer, a very elderly man who is caring for his wife and really shouldn’t be coming in at all, but does so once a week resplendent in a deerstalker hat and sleep apnoea mask! Can’t hear a bloody word he says, mind.

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    2. Aw Babe – I am so sorry to hear that there are those who would abuse you when you are keeping their world afloat.

      I have bemoaned the fact that I am stuck up a mountain in Italy in a deserted village and have not been allowed to leave the house for 6 weeks. I should count my blessings. Sending you and your kid love. xx

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      1. Thank you so much. I’ve had a quick look at your site and am now following. You are living my dream haha. Italy too is my most favourite places on the planet so look forward to living vicariously through you. X

        Liked by 3 people

      2. Aw – thank you for following. I have just been checking you out and have followed you!

        Part of the reason I started my blog was to show that it is possible and encourage people to live their dreams! It took us a few years and a lot of saving, but we got there in the end.

        I understand your love if Italy – we are Born Again Italians! There will be lots of posts about Italy coming up. Specificaly about the very tiny corner which we occupy at the moment, since we can’t go anywhere! But there are worse places to be stuck. 🙂

        Keep the faith! xx

        Like

      3. I also have a few posts about Italy, but I have a LOT of posts about everything else too so… haha. I’m so interested in what you’ve done. There’s some eye rolling that goes on these days when I mention (for the umpteenth time) my dream of living in Italy or my dream of spending the rest of my days driving round Europe in my camper van (not yet bought), so it’s fab that you’ve done it. Realistically…my situation is different but I will keep hoping. I’ll see you soon! 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Well – I hope to provide some inspiration and a vicarious fix in the meantime! If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to contact me. We just kinda jumped in with both feet, so we have learned a lot from our mishtaykes…! Keep dreaming though. We annoyed the heck out of everyone with all our different plans, but eventually one stuck and we made it happen. 🙂 I have just checked out your art site. I LOVE your stuff!

        Liked by 2 people

  11. It’s the part-time hippies for me. I also have my low-key hippie tendencies, but I’m pretty 1000% sure that drinking essential oils and humming at the right vibration aren’t going to disinfect me against the virus 🤔

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  12. I have missed you!! It’s the people that get on social media drop a bomb of a statement just to get people to argue and then act like it is all someone else’s fault. With people on social media more now it is like the wild west.

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  14. Slowly reverting to the hippie ways of my long ago youth. That has always been a tendency on weekends anyway.
    I’m not ready to die yet, just so people can go shopping, either. Since most of the government seems to be over 60 I am not sure they understand that they are also likely to die if they get sick, but they have always been rather privileged. Of course we would all make delicious Soylent Green so there is that.
    I would almost be tempted to join instagram just to stalk you as long as your husband doesn’t mind, but I am just not all that sold on a lot of social media.

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  16. Thank you! I’m trying to keep my spirit from sleeping through quarantine but it’s not listening. Your post made me laugh and not feel so old and grumpy for being irritated (okay maybe I yelled a little) at 20 somethings sitting next to a retiree and blatantly not giving a crap about wearing a mask!

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    1. I threatened to french kiss a 20year old girl at the grocery store. She reached across me for a can of beans and I was like “Listen, lets make this worth it, we can french, we can spoon, just don’t grab a can of beans and run”

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  18. Definitely sick of conspiracy theories on the internet, particularly the ones being spread by those who can slide Dr. in front of their name. I’m not sure which scenario is worse, that they genuinely believe the dangerous lies they are spreading, or that they are willingly spreading misinformation for publicity.

    Also people who can’t follow the one way arrows or remember social distancing at my grocery store. Keep your cart away from mine!!!!!

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  20. One group of ladies I sometimes go out with have a group email account and they keep sending emails out (TO ALL!!!!) of how they, family, dogs, cats (yawn) are doing and all is cheery! We run our own business and are just keeping our fingernails hanging on to it at the moment during the Lockdown and what really annoys me about this lot that 98% of them are retired on guilt edged pensions!!!!! I don’t give a f..k that your are missing your children/grandchildren and can only see them on Zoom!!! Rant over!!!!

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  22. You may not realize this because I’m such an angry, introverted meanie all the time but I have dozens of very close friends and a big, happy-party type family. Okay, you may have guessed most of that, but they annoy the shit out of me because my 4 score and 7 dozen friends and family – or at least 70% of them – rail on incessantly in text and on social media about this mainstream media hoax we have (globally?) perpetrated on our poor, hard-working, sacrificing and entirely innocent super-genius president. So annoying.

    Also annoying are the customers who call all day long to ask trivial questions about the “melt” button on their microwave (purchased in 2009) because, as fate would have it, they are isolated at home and have nothing better to do than to call Tom, who must have nothing to do right now, either.

    Hello, fuckers. I’m trying to read a blog?!

    (sorry about the “fuckers.” Please edit it out if the word “fuckers” is not allowed here)

    (oh, and fish me out of your trash for using the word “fuckers”)

    I just clicked your Instagram account (because you told me to!). You’re not secretly a heavyset, middle-aged man pretending to be a together-woman-of-the-new-millennium dishing out advice to unsuspecting women (and Tom), after all. Or, you really are a heavyset, middle-aged man pretending to be a together-woman-of-the-new-millennium with pictures of a fabulous together-woman-of-the-new-millennium that you share on Instagram and you’ve really outdone yourself.

    Either way, I’ll follow.

    Tom loves funny birds. 😁

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    1. 😂😂😂I am a garden gnome pretending to be a lifestyle blogger!
      In all fairness Tom, we could all stand to get to know our microwaves and the people who sold them to us a little better 😂

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  25. LOL. That was hella entertaining! Sometimes I feel guilty when I see so many people eating healthy and posting their green smoothies with protein pancakes for breakfast while I’m over here like, ‘That frozen pizza looks good right about now.’ 🤦🏽‍♀️ But hey, that’s life. We’re all different, lol. Thanks for sharing this post, it is a must read for quarantine.

    Des | https://www.itsbetterinheels.com

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  27. It is seriously wonderful to have you back here!!!!! Now, as to what is bugging me….yes and yes and yes to all you wrote about….and oh yeah, the fact that our landlords are selling our building and trying to bully their way in to show prospective buyers around, even though our mayor has said it is illegal at this time…this shit is keeping me up at night.

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  28. I definitely appreciate the part about not feeling guilty for not being productive. I’m blessed to be able to work from home, but that means in STILL working 40 hours. My company super cares about my well-being, but also about saving they’re company, and since I’m a debt collector (I NEVER call myself that, but it’s actually funny) ALL OF MY CLIENTS AND MY SUPERVISORS ARE STRESSING ME OUT. So while I’m blessed to be home… I’m mentally worn out. And my internet connection sucks balls.

    My husband has been obsessing about this hobby motorcycle he wants to build with money we don’t have, so every day it’s “Lookatthisvideoimwatchingmotorcyclesmotorcyclemotorcyclepartsandpiecesandgodiwanttoshoothim.” I’m over it. Oh, I found peanut M&Ms that say “I’M STILL NOT SICK OF YOU.” So I bought them for Hubby. Lol.

    Also, my work team has a daily call check in, and one of the girl’s voice is driving me absolutely bonkers. And, you know, it’s not the girl I THOUGHT would drive me crazy, it’s the one I used to like! 😲

    When I get tired of people, I unfollow them for 30 days. This is a Facebook only option, but it’s glorious. It gives me a nice break. When they resurface after 30 days, I read like one post, and then unfollow them again. 😂

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