How to PMS Better


Like many women, I’m in the middle of a lifelong quest for better feminine health. We all have our little tips and tricks to ease and support ourselves during “that time of the month.” I want to share with you the ones that have made the biggest difference for me and solicit the ones that have made the biggest difference for you.

So let’s gather outside the cave to tell each other which berries we should rub on our boobs for an easier cycle and a better corn crop.

1. You should track more than just your period

Aunt Flo isn’t the only relative at the family reunion that is your menstrual cycle. There is Aunt Mid-pain, Aunt Hungry, Aunt Horny, and sometimes Aunt Heart Palpitation, Aunt Motion Sickness, and Aunt Giant Boobies. (I have such fond memories of Aunt Giant Boobies; so many summers using her bra as a hammock on those hot summer nights…)

Especially if your period tends to be a little unpredictable in it’s arriving. Finding the consistencies in your hormonal timeline outside of just your menstruation will cue you into the timing of your cycle, and even what kind of cycle to expect.

I get what the Germans call mittelschmerz or “mid-pain.” It’s a pain in my lower midsection that happens when I ovulate. Sometimes this happens on day 14, sometimes on day 21, but it gives me a handy 14-16 day countdown to my actual cycle. If I have a lot of breast swelling around day 24 I know I am in for a painful and long cycle, so I know that I shouldn’t schedule anything too important in the coming week. I know at the tail end of ovulation I enjoy sex the absolute most, so I make sure that I do the things that make me feel sexiest and ready for a romp at a moment’s notice.

I track all of the welcome and not so welcome effects of my cycle so that I can feel prepared, anticipate my needs, and enjoy the energy of my womanhood.

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2. Actually, it’s not every 28-35 days…

So it turns out 28-35 days is average but anything from a 21 to 40-day cycle IS HEALTHY AND NORMAL.

For years I have been fretting over my 36-40 day cycle, thinking I need to de-stress or eat a bunch of chickpeas or sacrifice a virgin to a volcano to get my periods to start between 28 and 35 days because there was something wrong with me. Turns out, the only thing wrong is that I killed all those virgins!

Rest easy lasses, if you are quick to bleed or languorous to leak, 21-40 days is your actual window.

3. Find a supplement that works

I am not big on supplements. I take a vitamin D gummy in the winter and that’s about it. In truth, I almost always have a strange reaction to supplements. Biotin makes me dizzy, ginseng gives me heart palpitations, Biosil turns me into a supernatural beast that eats human flesh by the light of the moon, etc. It’s safe to say I’ve had consistently bad experiences with trying supplements.

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That said, all the bad, all the innocent bloodshed, and all the pitchfork chases have been worth it to discover two little good ones. For myself, that is magnesium glycinate and melatonin.

I have the hardest time falling asleep during PMS week. I take this melatonin supplement and it gently tells my brain that its time to sleep. Melatonin is something the body makes naturally and it’s produced by a lack of light. This nifty little supplement tells your brain it’s extra dark, so go to bed. My finicky system loves melatonin for a gentle natural sleep aid for that time of the month. You don’t have to take my word for it. Spend some time reading the hundreds of five-star reviews for this worthy addition to your wellness.

Next is magnesium. Calming, lovely, pain-reducing magnesium. Studies suggest that as much as 75 percent of Americans are magnesium deficient and that is a damn shame. The gentle soothing euphoria from magnesium is a gift from heaven during the hardest parts of my cycle.

Learning how to take care of ourselves is a lifelong lesson. These discoveries have made the biggest difference for me and my feminine health. What simple routines, complicated spells, or bloody rituals help you to thrive in your feminine energy?

For my regular readers: this week’s splits progress will be put on hold till next week. 100 Cool Points to anyone who can guess why.

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But if you are interested in following my journey to getting into my splits and a whole bunch of random shit, follow me on Instagram.

24 thoughts on “How to PMS Better

  1. Haha I loved the way you talked about the period Aunts😂😂😂 (Aunt Hungry?😂😂🤭)

    And well reading your post reminded me of my vitamins. I regularly forget them until I get into a row with my mum😅😅 Thank you😂😁

    Liked by 1 person

  2. OH, to have a 40 day cycle! Mine’s 25 days. Give or take 1 day. I’d love to have an additional 14 days free from that lovely visitor!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, it has it’s benefits! One of my girlfriends has a 21 day cycle! She handles it ok but she’s always like ” I’m on my period, fucking again!”


  3. Oh sure, where were you before a forced hysterectomy threw me into menopause? Now I need tips on cooling off from surface of the sun hot flashes and weight gain in places I didn’t think you could gain weight. Toes. Really?
    Being a woman can suck the big root at times.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. About 2 years ago I started using a menstrual cup instead of tampons and pads and it was game changing! I literally don’t think about being on my period most of the time because of the magic rubber plug which has done wonders for my PMS. It’s amazing! And I’m pretty sure I’ve saved like $1,000,000 by not having to buy tamps and pads. How can you be a seething PMS monster when you have extra shopping money??

    Liked by 1 person

  5. At my age, I’m feeling pretty blessed that I had a hysterectomy four years ago! I have the same issue with supplements though–I started menopause and someone said that ‘maca’ was excellent for hot flashes–no, it’s NOT!! At least for me, it makes them worse:-)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. No one talks about the stuff everyone is thinking but won’t talk about, the way you do, Lovely Lady!!!! Having gone through “the change” myself, I will tell you that your awareness of what your body is doing now is going to put you ahead of the curve later in your life. I won’t say it doesn’t suck, menopause sucks and hot flashes, which keep me up every fucking night, yeah they suck…..but, I find melatonin to be a blessing and that is about as far as I go with supplements, except for the vitamin D thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Damn, girl. Not everyone writes about PMS. PMS is the worst. I’d give anything to turn into a boy just those 5 days. I did not know me not being able to sleep was because of PMS. And I certainly did not know about the melatonin supplement. Thanks for educating me on that 🙂
    I’ve dropped you a follow ❤ Keep blogging !


  8. Man, melatonin saves my life. SAVES ME. I’m using it pretty regularly right now — stress/anxiety has reached level highs and it’s messing with my sleep patterns. Didn’t know this about magnesium, though. I’ll have to check into that one.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I started Ritual (?) Instagram ad, seemed legit, supposedly perfectly blended natural vitamins for women. I dunno, but I haven’t died, and I’m on month 6. I think I’ll take magnesium at your suggestion, but hopefully find it in liquid form because the big white pills are too unpleasant. I have a very rough period. Even with birth control which eases period symptoms, I have to take ibuprofen. It’s a muscle relaxer, which works better for me than Midol or Tylenol. About a week before, I become moody and unpleasant. That’s my cue to check the calendar for next week. It’s pretty spot on.

    Liked by 1 person

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