For the first time ever, my sister, mother, and I decided to do something Christmassy.
Those of you who follow this blog closely know what an unusual thing it is for my family to do something usual, and what is more usual than sending out Christmas cards?
It’s been a rough couple of years for the ladies in my family. My sister and I battled in court for conservatorship over my mother to help effectively manage her schizophrenia. There have been lots of legal battles and hospital visits and yelling and police and yelling at police (it’s a whole story) and predictably, that has taken a toll.
But for the last twelve months, in an impossibly crazy, pandemic-y world, things have not been so crazy in our little world. Mom is safe, my sister and I have worked out a smooth schedule, and an eerie calm has settled over us.
So when my sister called me the other day and asked if I wanted to get together to write out Christmas cards this year, I accepted. It was such a normal thing to do.
Normal for other people, at least.
So we got together (it’s necessary we be in each other’s immediate family social bubble) at the dining room table, put on some Christmas music, and wrote Christmas cards.
My sister: Tiara… you need to not be so personal in your Christmas cards.
Me: What do you mean?
My sister: You’re being all lovey-dovey. You gotta keep it cold and classy.
Me: Cold and classy?
My sister: Exactly.
Me: Like this?
My sister: Tiara! Do not waste cards!
Me: I’m not!
My sister: You are not sending that out!
Me: (Silently but aggressively making eye contact while slowly licking an envelope)
My Sister: Mom!
Me: (Not breaking eye contact while vigorously rubbing a stamp onto the envelope)
And then my mom told us not to fight.
And it was really nice.
It made me realize that little ritualistic tasks can be really healing. It allowed us all to criticize and compliment each other’s efforts and to fall quietly into our work when necessary. It felt really normal and perfectly imperfect. We had a great time and even set a reminder in our phones to do it next year on the same day.
I have always considered us to be too broken to have traditions. But I realized traditions are glue. They bring people together; they hold people together.
Maybe my broken family needs more glue, not less.
When you write your memoir about your family, I want dibs.
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I totally get this as my family is so broken. I cannot remember what “normal” is anymore. LOL I love the sending cards, I say every year I am going to do that and I never do.
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It’s just my brother and I that are left, but it is good we remember the family traditions. And just remember there are virtually no “functional” families out there. They all have at least one dysfunction.
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Thats a really good point. I think we all alienate ourselves and our families as “not normal.” and that makes things worse.
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OMG! I’m dying. “(Silently but aggressively making eye contact while slowly licking an envelope)”
I love that you found a way to find a normal, usual, everyday holiday tradition to have. I envy you that. Someday… Someday…
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ha! Thanks! It was a pretty ridiculous display.
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All families need more glue. And I’m seriously hoping you sent that card…
🤣
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Oh, I sent it.
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I love this 🙌 I don’t have siblings but can absolutely relate to navigating mental health with family and just generally not getting along sometimes. Looks like you guys have a nice new tradition!
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Thanks Leigh Ann!
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I have a little sign that my sister game me that says”Remember if anyone asks we are a normal family” We all have our moments. Glad you all got together to do the cards.
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I don’t know how to send heart emojis through a wordpress comment, but know that this made me feel the whole rainbow of them and want to send them to you.
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Awwwww, Thanks so much.
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Ah, what IS normal anyway? Sounds like you had a wonderful moment in all this craziness and that’s definitely something to celebrate!
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You have no idea how much I needed this laugh! Cold and classy?! My god, that’s hilarious! I’m sending a card just like that to an unsuspecting friend. So damn funny. And may I say, I am so happy for you and your mom and sister. It’s been rough, I know, so it warms my heart to know that you have found calm and are now enjoying being together. I hope the season ahead is full of joy sans plague. You deserve only happiness and love, my friend. xo
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Thanks sweetest heart!!!
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I may have to steal “look how classy we are” for my Christmas cards next year.
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Yes! Its yours!
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GIRL!!!!!!!! You give me MUCH NEEDED hope. I have missed you. So happy to have opened my email box to find this!!
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I’m just so happy for your family right now. It reminds me that just because something has never happened before, that doesn’t mean it can never happen. I used to keep certain traditions with my kids that we’ve let slip and now I’m wanting to revive them or come up with some new ones. Enjoy all the days!
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This was really heartwarming especially in a time when many traditions have been broken due to world wide events. (I’m just tired of saying the key 2020 description words, mkay? Bear with me.)
I can relate to your family, but mostly because I don’t like feeling obligated to repeat something for the sake of tradition. I might be afraid of the mundane. This is possible. But even I have small habits with family that keep us together throughout the year.
My husband LOVES traditions, but detests the habit of going out/getting together as a family for birthdays. This is literally the only tradition I abide by…
Why, God? Why?
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