You know the ones. They all star this legless bald chick with an IQ of 70 and anorexia whose stepdad beats her but she ends up going to Harvard and winning Miss USA and running a marathon and then goes on to inspire other bald legless anorexics to achieve their dreams.
Does the Lifetime movie channel play in other countries besides America? Cause it’s so fucking “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps” American I could puke…and then make a hot chocolate and grab a box of kleenex and cry, “She’s. So-ooo. Ah…ma..ma..zing!” and then watch it again. Damn you, Lifetime movies!
I swear to God, this is the reason why we are all so crazy: the expectations. They are terrible. TERRIBLE!
This is coming from someone who is practically a walking talking lifetime movie.
Continue reading “Fuck Lifetime Movies”
I’ve made a pretty revolutionary decision. I’ve decided to never wear anything uncomfortable ever again. Like. Ever….
I’m doing a whole series on this shit. It’s about self-care and feminism and honor! …Or possibly me just being fed up with being fucking uncomfortable. I’ll be hurling all of my itchy, too tight, too high-necked, too-anything out of my closet and into a pile where I will urinate on them and light it all on fire and dance naked around the smelly polyester bonfire….Oh, like you have anything better to do on a Friday night.
I’ll be starting this purge with my shoes, because no itchy sweater, no tight pant, no binding dress can compare to the mass discomfort and mass destruction of high heels.
Continue reading “Fuck High Heels”
Is there anything worse than a panic attack? Of course there is. But when one strikes, most of us are willing to sell our own mothers and throw in free shipping to make it stop.
If you are dealing with panic attacks, I know that you are in research overdrive mode and you probably got yourself a fresh bottle of magnesium and a plan and probably a book. Good for you!
No matter how resolute you feel with whatever path you have chosen, save this post. Remember it. You’re going to be processing a lot of information, but bookmark this one. You may need to come back to it.
Continue reading “Anxiety and Panic Attacks”
Ah, hippie shit.
Who among us can resist its siren call? After all, don’t we all want to live in a world where the solution to every problem we have lies in our pantry? Child not doing well in school? Rub em down with cornstarch. Dismissive husband? Simply dab some apple cider vinegar behind his ears (organic, of course).
There’s nothing quite so delightful as the smugness that comes with rubbing oil of oregano onto our feet while drinking chamomile tea and explaining to our girlfriends that western medicine just doesn’t compare when it comes to treating gangrene.
I like to think of myself as a wise woman of the world. But I have a confession: I’m hippie on my mother’s side (so half hippie) but I have a highly tuned bullshit-o-meter. So this means I will stick a clove of garlic up my hoo-ha to get rid of a UTI, but I will not use crystals to alleviate my allergies. Ya feel me?
Here are five Damn Girl tried and true’s:
Continue reading “Hippie Shit That Actually Works”