“But I Don’t Like Other Women” and Other Immaterial Things

Group of women sitting on railroad tracks

“We are in the business of being women.”
-DGGYST

DGGYST has been pretty heavy on the girl power lately. With “The Power of Female Economy“, and “So, You Want a Blogging Tip…“, not to mention the sidebar featuring specifically female bloggers, I have to address something that comes up every time I (or any one else for that matter) discuss supporting female industry. This sentiment:

“But I don’t like other women.”

I notoriously love the women. I was a labrador retriever in my last four lives and just assume everyone is my friend and they want to feed me biscuits.
Not that I haven’t not liked some women. There’ve been a few where I’m like, “You are not my kind of lady. Now give me a biscuit and get the hell out of here, bark bark bark bark bark!” So I respect that you may have had bad experiences that are skewed to the female gender.

Shoshanna Shapiro Cray GIF by Girls on HBO - Find & Share on GIPHY

Perhaps you have found other women to be largely competitive, shallow, two-faced, and smelly. I would never tell you that I know your experiences better than you do, and this post is not about bashing women who don’t like women. But I will tell you that not liking other women shouldn’t matter when it comes to throwing your unbridled support at them.

Continue reading ““But I Don’t Like Other Women” and Other Immaterial Things”

The Power of Female Economy

Woman holding a mug that says like a boss

“There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.”
-Madeleine Albright

If you have been following my blog for a while you know that I am a businesswoman. You also know that I was raised in the foster care system, that I ran away from home, and was a homeless teen.

I have experienced a level of poverty you would not think was possible in a first world country. I have lived in abandoned buildings in downtown Detroit and have feared for my life from things like exposure and starvation.

I have broken into cars to steal change to get my dinner from a vending machine. I have eaten from the garbage. I have been bound to horrible situations for the lack of financial independence. I have been dominated and violated and I have stayed in these situations…for a sandwich or a cold piece of pizza or for a warm place to sleep.

Sad Lisa Simpson GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Needless to say I feel very powerfully about my right to support me and mine, and I feel very passionately about women having the right to support themselves and theirs.

You don’t need to feel sorry for me. I’m 29 and have so many commas in my bank account it would make your head spin. I have gone about acquiring stability in my life the same way I am making a living off of this blog: by unapologetically accepting that I need money and viciously defending my right to make it.

Continue reading “The Power of Female Economy”

Damn, Girl, Get Over It

Woman on the beach letting balloons go

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”
– Charles R. Swindoll

Charles is treading dangerously close to republican waters, which is actually a frozen lake where if you fall in, you are fucked. But Damn, Girl is going there.

The fact of the matter is it’s hard not to let the shit that happens to you and the shit that has happened to you affect your decisions for the worse.

There, there. Mama understands. Life is hard. We’re all getting beaten with shovels and felt up in cars and miss the semi annual sale at Victoria’s Secret. Life is just traumatizing AF. But this blog is about activating and harnessing your power, and to do that, there’s some shit you are going to have to let go.

Here are five things it’s time to get over: Continue reading “Damn, Girl, Get Over It”

My Apologies: Conquering the World One Sorry at a Time

Woman's hands holding a flower

The oldest thing I own is a piece of homework from 1st grade. It’s actually an entire booklet of paper bound in little plastic rings. “Tiara, Grade 1” is written in purple crayon across the construction paper cover.

God knows how I still have it. It has somehow weathered a hundred homes (and no home at all). I swear one day it will be archived as a religious script because of the shit it has endured. In the future, people will tell the miracle of how the little plastic-bound journal survived tornadoes, fire, and the summer my mom kept goats in the house.

There isn’t too much to report about the Holy Scripts. Mostly pictures of birds in the distance signified by “M”s, yellow sunshines and broccoli trees, but there is one very memorable entry:

My shit list. Well, my “shite” list. Apparently I was an Irish child.

Grade 1 and already making a shit list.

You see, there weren’t a lot of rules in my house. No curfews, no chores, no expectations of grades or school attendance, and the expletives were free to fly. Al Pacino and Eric Cartman screaming “God fucking damnit” echoed around my living room and Tony Montana himself might balk at the curse words that came out of my step dad’s mouth.

But there were two dirty words, so filthy that to speak them meant swift and violent retribution.

Those words were: “I’m sorry.”

Continue reading “My Apologies: Conquering the World One Sorry at a Time”

So Damn Beautiful

Makeup brushes

Dude, is it just me or do beauty tips suuuuuuuckkk anymore? You know the ones:

“AMAZING BEAUTY HACKS THAT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND!”

“Use a nude pencil on your waterline!” Oh my god, we know! “Highlight your cupid’s bow with a highlighter!” No, that’s dumb. I’m going to eat that, like instantly. What else you got? “Mash a banana in your hair?” For fuck’s sake.

Let’s back it up. I am enjoying the best streak of basic-ness lately.

Usually I’m all brooding, hammering away on my typewriter while cursing about human rights or chain smoking one of those bubble pipes and pacing the floors, plotting how to take over the world.

Sherlock Holmes Cat GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

But this month, the constant brewing storm of passion and intention has parted. Where I could once be found murmuring to myself in a dark corner, inexplicably pounding on a calculator and  drumming my fingers together like Mr. Burns, now I’m cuddled up with a pashmina, drinking Starbucks, watching YouTube morning routines (that shit is soothing) and chatting at my sister about this like, totally amazing top coat that is like, the best thing ever.

So, seeing that the beauty section of my blog is desperately lacking, I am delighted to do a post on like, my best beauty discoveries of 2017, like ever. Seriously, like, ever.

Continue reading “So Damn Beautiful”

Fuck the Gym

Woman putting weights on a barbell

There is a vicious rumor going around that it’s the new year. Fake news strikes again. Sad.

Oh wait… Shit… It is the new year.

Real Housewives Christmas GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Well, I guess that explains the recent tsunami of articles about “How to Go to the Gym,” “How to Keep Going to the Gym,” “How to Get to the Gym,” “How to Stay at the Gym Once You Get There,” “How to Not Just Buy a T-Shirt From the Gym That Says, ‘Namasté Fit’ and Then Never Return,” etc.

Yes, people descend on the gym on new years like people descend on the grocery store at news of an approaching storm.

Sure, you don’t like spam or tofu flavored popcorn or the bench press but this is an emergency, goddamnit! You will pay the $9 for the blood sausage, the $90 a month for the gym membership, and you will just wait for the storm of expectation to pass.

Oh, fuck the gym. Fuck the gym so hard. (Note: my traffic soars any time I use the word “fuck” in the title of a post. “Fuck High Heels” is my most popular performing post by like a million disappointed perverts.)

My big new year’s truth bomb is pretty obvious, yet one of those things that is so easily forgotten:

exercise and the gym are not mutually exclusive.

Continue reading “Fuck the Gym”

You. Sick. Bitch.

Woman lying face down on bed

Write what you know.
-Mark Twain

This week I have been sick, sick, sick, sick. I mean real sick, like binge-watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians sick.

Kim K Hollywood GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

I so rarely get sick that I didn’t realize how fucking bad I was at it. But in true DGGYST form, over the course of one week I’ve managed to grab sick by the balls… and sneeze all over them.

I want to give you some great tips on how to survive the cold and flu season that you haven’t already heard:

Continue reading “You. Sick. Bitch.”

Cleaning Up With Damn, Girl

Woman climbing into a dryer

Growing up, cleanliness and order were never priorities in my house. My family of five lived in a van until I was about four, my siblings and I sharing a chest of drawers for a bed. As fucked up as that is, it’s still a little bit adorable, admit it.

Once we settled into a bit more space, that space was decorated in the classic “insane petting zoo from hell” style. At one point, I shared my bedroom with seven chickens.

With thirty-seven cats, three dogs, five screaming peacocks, two horses, an angry little pony, six goats, and a very energetic hoarder to manage them all, my childhood home could turn the strongest of stomachs.

I have fond memories of our unneutered male pygmy goat “Bill” rising proudly from the open trunk of one of our many broken down cars and chasing the school bus. Every morning, with his little goat beard full of urine and a stiff twelve-inch erection, he would charge the driver as the bus screeched out of the driveway. Needless to say, I wasn’t the fucking prom queen.

A goat in a mailbox

Keeping a house up properly was definitely a skill I had to learn. Today I wanted to tackle the mindset and habits that keep so many people’s homes in disarray.

Continue reading “Cleaning Up With Damn, Girl”

Gagging on Christmas

A collection of gift tags

It’s safe to say that my husband and I come from very different sides of the track. His upbringing was firmly upper middle class and my upbringing was firmly skipping class to go to work ‘cuz I got siblings and someone has to feed these damn kids.

It was ten years ago this winter, that I trekked up to my husbands beautiful little mountain town to spend Christmas with his family.

But first, a tale from the Ghosts of Christmases past;

I was raised between the foster care system and the streets. Most of my Christmases were spent in the faded lime green or grey walled buildings of mental institutions visiting my mentally ill mother. We used to drink dixie cups of chicken “soup” that came out of the vending machine next to the coffee and hold hands across metal tables, carefully supervised. My mother would give us bright little drawings she made.

Other Christmases spent in children’s shelters and homes were more eventful. Socks, toothbrushes, packages of underwear, new sheets, and one year a boombox from the local fire department; my pride and joy. Need-based gifts were the name of the game and there were no complaints from me.

So when I spent my first “real Christmas” with my then boyfriend, now husband, at the tender age of nineteen, I was still fresh from the Christmases of my childhood and totally unprepared for what was about to happen.

Continue reading “Gagging on Christmas”

The Skinny Confidential

Lauryn Evarts, The Skinny Confidential

Here at Damn, Girl, I talk a lot about taking risks and asking others for the things that you need.

And I follow my own advice… mostly.

I get anxiety about pursuing the things that truly matter to me, just like every other creative.

While I am sure this is true for every person, I feel there is a larger stigma for women when it comes to pursuing their goals with the direct, relentless passion it takes to actually get shit done.

This is in part due to to the fact that in order to achieve our goals, we need to ask for support. We are made to feel that by asking for support, we are admitting our lives are not perfect. And there is nothing if not a great pressure to make our lives seem perfect.

Not just perfect, but completely self-achieved. Like we are some glorious island that has its own oil, the best mangos in the world, and a thriving, self-sustaining economy. We have entire platforms for this illusion: they’re called WordPress, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Don’t get me wrong; I love stalking celebrities’ sandwiches on Instagram as much as the next person, but the popularity of the “perfect life illusion” kept me from even considering blogging or talking about my experiences at all. They just weren’t that shiny.

That’s when I read The Skinny Confidential.

Lauryn Evarts was seemingly the same: perfectly blonde, fit, put together, drinking rosé in France and glowing for some damn reason (seriously, how the hell do you all just glow? Is there some switch I don’t know about? Is that what nipples are actually for? Have I been using them wrong?).

But then I came across a post of hers called “I Hate You Anxiety” and for the first time, I saw one of these perfect people talking about something real. I continued reading her blog. She dished on jaw swelling, constipation, all the nasty stuff that I thought never touched these people.

The more I read, the more I grew to love her voice. Lauryn was sweet, she loved and supported women, she talked about real things. It was The Skinny Confidential that inspired me to start this blog.

I knew that I wanted Lauryn in my corner, so I decided to take my own advice and reach out to her. To ask for the support that I needed.

Sure, I had some wine first. Psyched myself up. Waited for the inevitable “Please do not contact me, loser” message I was sure to get at any moment.

Turns out asking for the things that I needed turned out to be ok. Lauryn was sweet and supportive and was kind enough to pass on her blogging tips to the readers here at Damn, Girl. So tuck in, and enjoy some tips from the master:

Continue reading “The Skinny Confidential”